Writing a solid metaphor and/or simile

Metaphors and similes are fun!!! You can write one, too, and it doesn't have to be a cliche.

• _{March Hare: Start at the beginning.}
• _{Mad Hatter: Yes, Yes. And when you get to the end... stop.}

What are you trying to simile or metaphor about?

My roommate's fat ass
twenty five year old cat
that sits under my FARGIN
desk so I step on her
every five minutes

Next, make a list of related things/actions/adjectives/phrases/places/qualities/etc. How do they work? What do they do? Where do you go for them? What are things you say when you talk about them? Even slightly related topics will make for good symbolisms. The following example list is very short for the purpose of exhibition. Be aware that the more inclusive your lists are, the more material you will have to write from. We will call this the master list.

Cat, Desk, Carpet, Obese, Pet, Claws,
Eats things off floor, Fleas, Smells,
Hopefully it'll die soon, Fish,
Dog, Garfield, I step on her, Pisses,
Yellowy-white fur...

Think of these words as categories and make new lists from your master list. Remember to be vigilant and all inclusive. The most brilliant metaphors/similes are the obscure of reference.

• Smells: Catfood, Breath, Mayonnaise, Litter box, Garbage,
  Old milk/eggs, My NIN t-shirt after my last
  ex-girlfriend finally gave it back, Socks, Armpits...
• Yellowy-white fur: Anti-fur rally, Furries, Egg whites,
  Dirty Ivory, Old paper, Mayo (Good because, it
  also smells)...
• Eats-things-off-floor: Vacuum, Fat people who drop
  Ho-ho's (Good because, it also uses obese),
  Frito, Thirty second rule(five second rule), Babies,
  Dogs...

Now ponder and link these bits in interesting and unusual ways. Watch out for cliche subjects like: Fire (or any other element), Money, Love, Plagiarism... Just ask yourself if the subjects related, are common and obvious. If they are, then chances lie that it is cliche. Avoid this at all costs, and then admit that it is fun to say things like:

• My roommate's cat is a fat person who just dropped a Ho-ho on the ground.
• My roommate's cat is like a mayonnaise colored vacuum with claws.
• My roommate's cat is a ball of old milk that smells like my NIN t-shirt after my last ex-girlfriend finally gave it back.

CAUTION: Edit! Edit! Edit and don't get discouraged. You will probably write many non-flowy things like:

• My roommate's cat is a garbage dog.
• My roommate's cat is a baby with catfood breath that eats buttons, pisses mayo, and gets fur on my dark pants.
• Dirty ivory catbox sleeper!!!

Have no fear. While these metaphors/similes are not well written, they are devoid of cliche. This ensures that they will remain infinitely more honorable than their overused counterparts.

_{If you can follow these easy steps, you can write better than my English teacher.}