And we're LIVE from Hartford, Conneticut on April 2, 1995. Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.

Match 1: The Blu Twins (Ron and Don Harris) v. The Allied Powers (Lex Luger and the British Bulldog). If there was ANY story, ANY buildup, or ANY sense to this matchup being on a Wrestlemania, I don't know of it. Bulldog gets the pin with a sunset flip. Nothing going on here.

Match 2: Jeff Jarrett v. Razor Ramon for the WWF Intercontinental Championship. THE CLIQUE EXPLODES! And since it *is* Clique vs. Clique, someone might (gasp) sell a move! Pretty good match aside from the stupid ending—the Roadie (who you might know as Road Dogg) runs in and causes a DQ by attacking Ramon.

Match 3: King Kong Bundy v. The Undertaker. For the record, this is enemy #394 of 771 in the "someone steals the urn from the Undertaker" series. Bad match. Undertaker gets the win with a clothesline, of all things.

Match 4: The Smoking Gunns v. Owen Hart & ??? for the WWF Tag Team Championship. There was some sort of tag team tournament wherein Hart and his partner, Jim Neidhart, had been eliminated in the first round. Owen bitched and moaned, so the Smoking Gunns gave Hart and the partner of his choice here. And out comes... Yokozuna? Okay. Vince was still big on the "big fat people with no talent... but they're BIG!" stereotype at this point. This would've been a good match if it weren't for, I don't know, the big fat person with no talent stinking up the ring. Hart & Yokozuna win the titles after a Banzai Drop.

Match 5: Bob Backlund v. Bret Hart in an "I Quit" match. The fans were really into Backlund as a quirky insane heel at this point, even though he was originally re-introduced just for comic relief. A decent match, but Backland is clearly way out of his league (and about two decades too late). The end comes when Backlund hooks in the Crossface Chicken Wing, but Bret reverses it into his own and gets the submission.

Match 6: Diesel v. Shawn Michaels for the WWF Championship. Jonathan Taylor Thomas is the special guest timekeeper and Nicolas Turturro is the special guest ring announcer. Michaels brings Jenny McCarthy out to the ring with him just to get up to our quota of celebrity cameos for the night. Oh, and Pamela Anderson is out there posing with Diesel. Diesel is the babyface here, but the fans clearly want to root for Michaels instead (much to the consternation of McMahon, who couldn't understand why anyone would want to cheer for someone who wasn't a talentless hack who happened to be tall and look menacing). Pretty good match; Diesel retains his title after he does the Hulk Hogan comeback and hits the powerbomb for the pin. Crowd isn't happy.

Match 7: Bam Bam Bigelow v. Lawrence Taylor. At Royal Rumble '95, "ringside observer" LT made fun of Bigelow after he lost a match and promptly got shoved for his troubles. In other words, "One guy doesn't like the other guy so they fight." Just like every other angle. This is an incredible match—for a non-wrestler. It's purely mediocre from a normal point of view, but to put it in perspective you have to realize that every other—EVERY other—celebrity match since the BEGINNING OF TIME has completely sucked ass, and this one did not. Taylor wins the match, too, pinning Bigelow cleanly after a flying forearm from the second rope.

This was an odd card. Totally unremarkable from a technical and historical point of view, and what was up with only having seven matches?! The Curse of the Odd-numbered Wrestlemanias continued, as this one probably isn't worth your time unless you're an enormous Lawrence Taylor fan.

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