Dolly Parton's bra size was 69 and that was too, too, too big. So, she took 51 diet pills and went to see Dr. X eight times. Now she's boobless.

Stick that word problem in your calculator and smoke it.
6922251 * 8 = 55378008

Ah yes, I spent too much time in my youth on this one. And then I had (er, still have) a book which included these.

Calculator Riddles

Q: What's white, round on top, flat on the bottom, cold on the outside, warm on the inside, and sometimes full of Eskimos?
A: 16 x 49 + 7 / 10000.

Q: What else is round and white, but looks like a zero?
A: 331 x 3 + .356009.

A Mid-Winter's Tale

Calculators usually don't say much, but every once in a while, they say one thing after another. For instance, one Christmas Eve, my calculator (whose name is 7 x 5 x 10 x 11 + 9 x 2) fell off the shelf and woke me up. It was obviously trying to tell me something. I hastily pressed 5 + 1 x 5 x 5 - 3 x 5 + 3 x 5 + 1 x 5 x 5 x 5 + 30000. I didn't exactly understand, but seeing that it wanted to say more, I did not press C but - 433637 instead. So that was it! And when I listened hard, I too could hear them. By then the calculator was wiggling again, so I pressed C and then .10001 + .00100 x 4. And sure enough, when I put my ear to the chimney I could hear it also. And I had forgotten to hang up my stocking! I rushed to the dresser to get one, but the drawer was empty. "Quick, where did I leave my stockings?" I asked, and feverishly pressed 102 x 104 + 1 x 5. And that's just where they were, right where I had left them. What a relief! I grabbed one and started running, but the calculator jumped a foot in the air. "What's the matter?" I asked, pressing 53704. The machine was right. The stocking was full of them. I took the other stocking instead, and hurried with it to the fireplace. We made it, but it was a close call.

- from Calculator Games by Michael Donner. Golden Press, 1977.

(Why don't I ever throw anything out? And can anyone else remember when a book could be purchased for $1.95?)

There was a girl... enter a 1 on the calc
She was 16... enter 16 on calc
She did a 69... enter 69 on calc
She did this 3 times... multiply by 3
Now what is she?
35007




  • SIZE=+0>She


  • Type 3, 4, and 5. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Is


  • Type 5 and 1. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Leo


  • Type 0, 3, and 7. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Hello


  • Type a decimal point, 1, 1, 3, and
    4. Turn the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Less


  • Type 5, 5, 3, and 7. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Bob


  • Type 8, 0, and 8. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Sell


  • Type 7, 7, 3 and 5. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Oil


  • Type 7, 1, and 0. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Shell


  • Type 7, 7, 3, 4, and 5. Turn the
    calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Boss


  • Type 5, 5, 0, and 8. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Sob


  • Type 8, 0, and 5. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Bose


  • Type 3, 5, 0, and 8. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>So


  • Type 0 and 5. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>See


  • Type 3, 3, and 5. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Soil


  • Type 7, 1, 0, and 5. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Sill


  • Type 7, 7, 1, and 5. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Oh


  • Type 4 and 0. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Boil


  • Type 7, 1, 0, and 8. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Bio


  • Type 0, 1, and 8. Turn the calculator upside
    down.



  • SIZE=+0>Hobo


  • Type 0, 8, 0, and 4. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Hole


  • Type 3, 7, 0, and 4. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Ill


  • Type 7, 7, and 1. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Loss


  • Type 5, 5, 0, and 7. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Lee


  • Type 3, 3, and 7. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Lose


  • Type 3, 5, 0, and 7. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Go


  • Type a decimal point, and 6 or 9.
    Turn the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Boobless


  • Type 5, 5, 3, 7, 8, 0, 0, and 8.
    Turn the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Boob


  • Type 8, 0, 0, and 8. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Hell


  • Type 1, 1, 3, and 4. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Shoe


  • Type 3, 0, 4, and 5. Turn the
    caluclator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Go2hell


  • Type 1, 1, 3, 4, 2, 0, and 6 or
    9 . Turn the calculator upside down.




  • SIZE=+0>Less


  • Type 5,  5,  3, 
    and 7. Turn the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Sheesh


  • Type 4, 5, 3, 3, 4,  and 5.
    Turn the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Ohio


  • Type a decimal point, 1, 4, 
    and 0. Turn the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Loose


  • Type 3, 5, 0, 0, and 7. Turn the
    calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Hog


  • Type 6 or 9, 0, and 4. Turn the
    calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Biggle


  • Type 3, 7, 6 or 9, 6 or 9, 1, and
    8. Turn the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Bee


  • Type 3, 3, and 8. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Bell


  • Type 7, 7, 3, and 8. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Lesses


  • Type 5, 3, 5, 5, 3, and 7. Turn
    the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Obesehog


  • Type 6 or 9, 0, 4, 3, 5, 3, 8, and
    0. Turn the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Bibo


  • Type a decimal point, 8, 1, and
    8. Turn the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Goggles


  • Type 5, 3, 7, 6 or 9, 6 or 9, 0,
    and 6 or 9. Turn the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Goolies


  • Type 5, 3, 1, 7, 0, 0, and 6 or
    9.



  • SIZE=+0>Biggles


  • Type 5, 3, 7, 6 or 9, 6 or 9, 1,
    8. Turn the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Boobies


  • Type 5, 3, 1, 8, 0, 0, and 8. Turn
    the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Hellhole


  • Type 3, 7, 0, 4, 7, 7, 3, and 4.
    Turn the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Leslie


  • Type 3, 1, 7, 5, 3, and 7. Turn
    the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Egg


  • Type 6 or 9, 6 or 9, and 3. Turn
    the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>His


  • Type 5, 1, and 4. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Hobble


  • Type 3, 7, 8, 8, 0, and 4. Turn
    the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Bible


  • Type 3, 7, 8, 1, and 8. Turn the
    calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Hi


  • Type 1 and 4. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Boobs


  • Type 5, 8, 0, 0, and 8. Turn the
    calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Ellie


  • Type 3, 1, 7, 7, and 3. Turn the
    calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Hell


  • Type 7, 7, 3, and 4. Turn the
    calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Hoe


  • Type 3, 0, and 4. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Die


  • Type 3, 1, and 0. Turn the calculator
    upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Lollies


  • Type 5, 3, 1, 7, 7, 0, and 7. Turn
    the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Shell.oil


  • Type 7, 1, 0, a decimal point, 7,
    7, 3, 4, and 5. Turn the calculator upside
    down.



  • SIZE=+0>Goose


  • Type 3, 5, 0, 0, and 6 or 9. Turn
    the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Gesse


  • Type 3, 5, 5, 3, and 6 or 9. Turn
    the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Gobble(s)


  • Type (5), 3, 7, 8, 8, 0, and 6 or
    9. Turn the calculator upside down.



  • SIZE=+0>Hollies


  • Type 5, 3, 1, 7, 7, 0, and 4. Turn
    the calculator upside down.


  • Giggle


  • Type 3, 7, 6 or 9, 6 or 9, 1, and 6 or 9. Turn
    the calculator upside down.


  • Giggles


  • Type 5, 3, 7, 6 or 9, 6 or 9, 1, and 6 or 9. Turn
    the calculator upside down.


  • This one is similar to the one mentioned by csm_714:

    There was a 16 year old girl .. enter 16 on calculator

    And she had sex with 19 different guys.. multiply this number with the 16 mentioned beforhand.

    What does this make her?

    a 304. (a hoe)

    This loses its humor when someone mentions that the word perceives different meaning due to its spelling and that there isn't really anything funny about being a garden tool.

    My calculator was very special, as was my relationship with it. You can read about it if you like.

    Back in 1975 or so, it could do something no other model could do at the time. Beside the digits from 0 to 9, there was a trick to make it display six more characters, including an upside-down 'u' and a blank space. I don't know this for a fact, but it's pretty apparent that my calculator's chip used hexadecimal internally, though it (usually) only displayed the usual ten digits. But it had a MR button that did a 'Memory Recall'. It would recall the number that had been in the display before the last operation you performed, something like an early version of the 'undo' function found in many modern text editors and other programs. A "traditional" calculator loses its memory when you turn it off, so if you hit this key right after powering the calculator on, there is nothing to recall; what you see are the un-initialized contents of the "recall register". In my calculator, this happened to be a sequence of eight of the otherwise never-visible digits.

    I found that I could do some limited arithmetic with these digits which could be used to "generate" the other five kinds of digits (as well as all the "ordinary" digits, of course). And so it came that I was the only kid on my school bus (and probably for many miles around) that could make his calculator spell things like

                          _      
           |  |   _      |_   | |
           |  |_ |_| |_| |_   |_|
    
    In short, any word that is composed entirely of the letters B, E, G, H, I, L, O, S, and Z can be spelled on the calculator, with the possible exceptions of words that begin with "Oh" (as most calculators will truncate a trailing zero) or words longer than eight characters (as some calculators can only display eight digits). Numbers with a leading zero (words that end in "Oh") can be displayed with a decimal place: 0.9 will spell "Go".

    1 I
    2 Z 7 L
    3 E 8 B
    4 H 9 G
    5 S 0 O


    This allows a fairly large number of words, as you have three vowels and five reasonably common letters. And a Z.

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