Dear Sir/Mdm,

I write on behalf of my client (henceforth also known as the Recipient) with regard to your recent use of the L word (henceforth also known as The Word) in the context of your affection toward and desire for the Recipient

Whilst the Recipient acknowledges the lack of intent to cause damages in this case it should be made clear that your use of the The Word was in no way prompted by the recipient and, whilst not wholly unwelcome, did promote a sense of concern, if not outright fear.

The Recipient has also acknowledged that shortly after the point of use you also attempted to absolve the Recipient of any responsibility that may normally be incurred by the Recipient due to your use of The Word. However, the Recipient wishes to inform you that the fact of the use of The Word has indeed an implicit value of responsibility toward the Recipient which she just doesn't need in her life at the moment

The Recipient contacted our company with regard to the situation in order to relay this information and to request of you to take notice of the following points:
1 - The Recipient, whilst not minding the idea of getting together sometime for a night out really doesn't want to get involved, especially not with some over-emotional moron such as yourself.
2 - The Recipient wishes to let you know that the sex was great, but WTF, it didn't mean anything.
3 - The Recipient cannot believe that you would use The Word after only one night in bed. At least most guys have the good taste only to use it to try and get you into bed.
4 - The Recipient, after some short time feeling bad about this has decided that, no, she will not feel responsible for anything that happened. Even though she is sure thats what your intention was in using The Word. She will not be guilted into having a relationship with you.
5 - Having said all this, the Recipient wouldn't entirely mind seeing you again, esp. with regard to that trick you can do with the ice-cube. How did you get that back out from there?

On behalf of my client I bid you a good day,

A.Smith
Heart Lawyer, The Emotional Fuckwittage Firm, CA.

Whereas the Court recognizes that
the relationship extended beyond intercourse
(though to a degree that is questionable at best).

And whereas it was demonstrated
that your hands had the best of intentions
when they grasped the Plaintiff's shoulders
(despite, we note, their discomfort with the contact).

The Court holds that your use of the L word
(hereafter referred to as The Word)
was egregiously misapplied
and that the error lies solely upon you, the Accused.

As such, the Court sentences you to solitary confinement
for no less than 3 years with the possibility of parole
for good behavior.

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