Montreal is infested with small blue worms. They hatch out of eggs deposited during the first snowfall of the year. I am convinced that they crawl through the holes in your socks and make their way into your circulatory system, where they masquerade as veins, slowly turning your blood into a viscous blue mass. (It's the same stuff inside those sports injury packs that people keep in their freezers). This is why Montreal cold feels like it's coming from the inside out.

The worms seem to be allergic to alcohol.

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