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• You wake up slowly when you're a mile underground
• Everything looks beautiful when you're young and pretty
• When the Pope says shit
• at least in dreams when shit gets ugly you can still fly and whistle
• You can't rant when you're not angry
• it's hard to hear when you're stuck inside someone's torso
• I'm sorry I was speeding, officer, but I really have to get to the hospital
• The hole in the ground for bodily waste when camping
• Don't stop. You can sleep when you're dead.
• Mixed drinks you come up with when you're drunk
• When you pirate MP3s, you're downloading communism
• Why it seems you get good ideas when you're stoned
• It's hard to be an addict when you're broke
• When you're finished struggling... are you free tonight?
• You know you're in the SCA when
• I miss you when you're away. Please go.
• Sing when you're winning
• It's memories that I'm stealing, but you're innocent when you dream
• The quality of relationships with people when you're sick
• Feeling like you're moving when you're really sitting still
• I'll explain it when you're older
• Swing when you're winning
• Southern Funerary Rites: Things to Do In Dixie When You're Dead
• When you're supposed to go down, find the deepest well and go down to the bottom
• How to buy LEGO sets when you're over twice the suggested age
• How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You're Not Anywhere at All?
• When you're a quarterback, you should not screw with the minds of your linemen
• Time stands still when you're in the tube
• Knowing you're going to die when you turn 30
• It's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.
• When the shit hits the fan
• Every Day's a Holiday When You're Pagan: February
• Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans
• Nobody Knows You when You're Down and Out
• When you're the oldest, you're not allowed to feel pain
• You're pretty when you're quiet
• when you're 30, you'll change your mind
• You know you're in a terrible mood when the songs don't work
• You know you're a geek when...
• How to close a KFC when you're a cook
• Live so that they cry when you're born and laugh when you die
• Risqué comment opportunities when you're a Subway employee
• How to draw a 4-dimensional object, when you're limited to 3 dimensions
• Alternatives to "Oh Shit!" when visiting the Great Aunts
• When you're little, mom and dad are superheroes
• You're never around when I need you
• When the shit hits the Diffusion pump
• Things to do on Valentine's day when you're single
• Every Day's a Holiday When You're Pagan: January
• There is Nowhere Left to Go When You're The Handsomest Man in the World
• When you're born with duckweed in your hair, it never washes out
• Sex starts when you're standing up
• Piero Manzoni
• Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead
• This is the place you see in your head when you're sitting at your desk dreaming
• When you're dead, you're dead
• when you're ready to touch me again
• When you're alone
• Things to do in Denver when you're not dead: A Mile-High Nodermeet
• When life gives you shit
• When you're home alone
• you're so full of shit you need your own sewer system
• Time flies when you're having fun
• It's hard to get C!-ed when you're a boring programmer
• How to open a KFC when you're a cook
• food fight
• I know, let's give shit away
• shit (user)
• Why can't the Democrats ever think up this kind of sleazy shit?
• One of the most irritating things that can happen when talking
• Where were you when Kennedy was shot?
• When life gives you lemons, just shut up and eat your damn lemons
• When cats rub you
• when people become strangers
• Where do they keep the car keys when they transport cars?
• Laugh when you have been listening well
• Girls are hotter when they're comfortable
• What I want to be when I grow up
• Why women suddenly come out of the woodwork when a man gets married
• Some Jews actually get pissed when you wish them a Merry Christmas
• Forgive me for who I am when I wake up
• When I became beautiful
• When Clients Attack
• When I think of him now I can smell horses
• May the world be a better place when I wake up
• beside a moon that don't know when to quit
• What do I do when I'm alone?
• When everybody carries masks
• When I grow up, I want to be a pretzelman
• Models of American Racial Discrimination
• Don't believe the florist when he tells you that the roses are free.
• When the great recorder comes
• What you should REALLY do when you have too many votes on your hands.
• When Will You Die for the Last Time in My Dreams?
• When I rise it will be with the ranks, and not from the ranks
• When I start to feel unfocused, I read TheDeadGuy
• Protocol when feeding a horse in a paddock
• You're welcome
• What to do if you're stopped by the police
• Now You're Screwed
• Erin, You're Wearin' a Wonderful Smile
• You're All Alone
• You're not my son
• As a senior citizen, you're already aware of the threat robots pose.
• you're not alive until you have nothing left to lose
• T.A.Z.: Communique #5: "Intellectual S/M Is the Fascism of the Eighties--The Avant-Garde Eats Shit and Likes It,"
• Everything is made of sunlight and shit
• When I was your age
• When I Read the Book
• How to find your Desktop when using Win 3.1 apps under NT/95/98
• The feeling you get when meeting an ex-partner soon after you split
• When you dream the end of the world, how does it happen?
• Things we say and do when we can't tell the truth
• I know more when I'm alone
• How to flip a coin when you haven't got one
• Proverbs urging caution when speaking
• Call me back when hair starts growing on his palms
• When we finally fall, it will be fast and sure
• When the pencil breaks, the network goes down
• When I was ten years old
• Why dogs flinch when you stroke their heads
• When psychiatric drugs attack
• How to create cleavage when wearing drag
• When 'Omer Smote 'Is Bloomin' Lyre
• When the ocean fell
• When Democracy Failed: The warnings of history
• When This Is Over
• What happens when a Pope dies
• You were a bookmark to the time when I loved every sunrise
• What do you get when you cross the Alps with elephants?
• One must trust in the law, and keep within the heart the knowledge that the law of this world is the same right and just law that governed us when we were merely stars.
• The Moment When Nothing Happened
• i construct our fiery demise when the time is right and i take.
• Alice, you're the greatest!
• You're evil
• What happens if you're too nice?
• I hope you're fucking happy
• If you don't know where you're going, any path will take you there
• You're a Lady
• You're never alone
• You're not laughing now, but I'm voting this sucka up
• I wouldn't hurt a fly, but you're not a fly
• Holy Shit! Man Walks on Fucking Moon!
• Shit disturber
• I can do stuff with my writeups (e2poll)
• When You Come
• When The Pawn...
• For when you and your shiftless friends are confused again
• When boomboxes came with little internal mics
• When you can't talk about what your sexual needs are
• Women want me when I'm taken
• i enjoy myself most when i'm all alone
• When You Live Alone
• When H.A.R.L.I.E. Was One
• When Employers Come A-Courtin'
• when dogs puke
• When the principal laughs so hard he can't suspend you
• When keys on keyboards get switched
• when? (user)
• Where do dogs get their Vitamin C from, when they don't eat fruits?
• She bought a new smile every week when we first started seeing each other. Then I had to buy them.
• Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry
• You gave me wings when you showed me the birds
• What to do when your brakes fail
• When willpower isn't enough
• When Poets Dreamed of Angels
• When the water is black you know it's deep
• I remember when it was me who made you want to take over the world and enslave humanity
• When celebrities die
• When the Sun Rises
• When first my way to fair I took
• When Renny wakes up
• When I look into her eyes, I no longer care about what the world thinks. This is what it feels like to be alive.
• When Graverobbing Goes Wrong
• You're soaking in it
• This sentence is in English while you're not looking
• If you're hungry, blame me
• Yes, dammit I am sure I want to delete it. While you're at it, empty the trash, too!
• You aren't a nice guy; you're a hairy jellyfish
• How to become one of the lads (if you're a girl)
• HEY youre cool_root (category)
• You're not still afraid of the dark, are you?
• shit head
• Back in the Shit
• I'm so worldly, I shit globes
• When I Die
• When life gives you lemons, grab it by the throat and demand better
• When It's Iris Time In Tennessee
• When Your Heartstrings Break
• Where people go when people die
• When science questions itself (a rant)
• When sex hurts (Men)

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