I can't speak for every man here (or anywhere else, for that matter), but JayBonci definitely spoke for me- for the most part. There are some other things that I, personally, want from a woman.

I want her to inspire me.
That could mean artistic inspiration, kicking my ass in gear when I'm behind on some responsibility, reminding me of the good things in life... inspiration takes many forms and comes at odd angles, but if she inspires me at all then I consider myself to be fairly lucky- even if she inspires me to leave.

I want her to laugh.
She doesn't have to laugh at my jokes. She doesn't have to laugh at the silly things in movies. She doesn't have to laugh at anything that doesn't genuinely amuse her. Certainly she will laugh at me from time to time because, let's face it, I screw up probably more than I should get away with. I just would be overyjoyed to be involved with a woman who truly appreciates the good things that come across our path and isn't shy about sharing it with others. Believe it or not I actually get a kick out of a woman who walks into a room and goes, "You know what I just saw today? A double-rainbow. Isn't that just amazing? It made me smile all day long." Laughter is something I personally feel that is found in the heart rather than in a mouth- be she glad of heart, then I be glad of spirit!

I want her to love.
There are so many women out there that I've met who have lousy relationships with their parents (one or both of them). To me, that's a serious red-flag. You see, I'm looking for a woman who wants to be a mother and a wife someday. If she's got "issues" with her parents and can't work beyond them, then what makes me think she'll do any better when it's her turn to raise children (with me, of course)? Somewhere in my gut I suspect that parenthood is something that requires confidence, courage, love and conviction- hating one's parents without any really serious reason (and I'm talking abuse and such) doesn't indicate to me that she possesses those qualities. I want a woman who realizes that when it's her turn to be a parent she'll be no more equipped than her own parents were when they were bringing her up. Mine weren't, yours weren't, hers weren't; there is no amount of preparation that a person can have for child-rearing. At least that's what "they" tell me. But being able to love, first her family then herself, is a primary consideration for me.

I want her to grow.
There are some people in the world that feel women mature faster than men. This may indeed be true, but even if it is that does not mean a woman is completely mature or where she wants to be in life. When my mother was going through drug rehab she kept saying, like a mantra, "Admitting that I have a problem is the first step." I feel that maturity is somewhat similar in that regard. When a person can easily and readily admit that they don't have all the answers, then they're far better off and further down the road of maturity than most people. But just being able to say that, on cue, isn't enough. It's a mindset. No matter how much good advice a person can give, the reason they usually end up giving such good advice is because they know they don't know jack shit. As long as the woman I love is aware that she will always be growing and learning, well into her 80's, then I have utter and complete confidence in her.

I want her to be independent, a complete person.
I know what that sounds like- a recipe for disaster. "If she's already independent, what does she need me around for?" The answer to that question is simple, if you stop to think about it: "Because she loves me." Co-dependence sucks, if you don't already know. If the woman I'm with doesn't have a mind of her own and doesn't know how to use it for her own sake, then forget it. I have a hard enough time trying to figure out what I want out of life without having to make those kinds of decisions for someone else who's liable to change her mind once a month. If she can't sort out on her own where she's going in life and what she wants, then it's a sure bet than I am the last person to know.


But, again, this is just what I want out of a woman. Like I said, I can't speak for every male out there. Each guy, just like each woman, is wired differently. Some men want sex all the time and don't care what kind of brain comes along with a beautiful woman as long as she "puts out." Some guys want the female version of Einstein. Some guys want "Suzy home-maker." You can't nail it down to a list of simple criteria. "Contest applies only in some states, chances of winning may vary." Ya know?

One of the biggies is how women manage the male ego. A woman needs to know how to encourage a man to improve himself in a way which doesn't make him feel diminished. I think a really important one is to not simply attack a guy for something he does wrong, but offer him encouragement on how to do a better job. Most guys, at the back of their minds, know when they are coming up short. Complimenting one another is a big thing which can help make a more harmonious relationship as well. When I get a genuine compliment, it really lifts my spirits and drive, and I think a lot of people don't really get that. Dale Carnegie techniques do have some value, you know. Men want a woman who won't rub in the fact that she is more successful in her career than he is in his. Rather, a woman who admires what he does, finds out what he wants to do and helps him achieve his goals..

I'm sure to be downvoted for this trivially short piece, but I feel that at some point, after all the warm intellectualizing above (nicely said, no offense please, folks!) the truth must be heard:

What men want in a woman is their penis.


I'm not worried about the votes, but it seems I've offended some people, and that was never my intention. Here's a belated attempt at an explanation:

If you take the phrase "what men want in a woman" in its accepted meaning as a figure of speech, then of course the other WUs are much more germane to the topic than mine. But if you decide to be pig-headedly literal about it as I did when I saw the title, and to throw political correctness aside, then... well, let's say that I believe I'm speaking for a large number of men, though not necessarily for all.

In almost a decade of living together, I have revealed to my girlfriend a lot about what makes us men tick. She read this WU and she laughed! She knows it's the truth, but she's fine with it. I hope most of my other female readers can take this WU in the same spirit.

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