An affluent suburb in southwestern Connecticut. Home of Don Imus, Paul Newman, and until recently Martha Stewart. Don't ask Westporters why she left. Westporters generally don't like Martha Stewart very much. Paul Newman donates millions to charity. Martha Stewart locks her gates on Halloween and tapes Halloween specials with child actors.

Westport is one of the hundred most expensive places to live in America, based on property values.

Westporters also do not like their town being referred to as a "suburb of New York." We were popping the British from behind trees long before they made their move on New York.

In recent years, Westport has become extremely commercialized (see also Martha Stewart). A town of 26,000 shouldn't be able to support The Gap, Banana Republic, Brooks Brothers, Mitchells, Gap Kids, The Limited, Nine West, and THREE Starbucks... yet it does.

For those interested in visiting Westport, they should realize that the only establishment open past 11:00 PM is the ubiquitous Diner(tm). Our's is called the Sherwood Diner. Beyond that, night life consists of sitting in basements, smoking weed, drinking, and watching The Simpsons.

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