Images keep disappearing. I can't think of another way to say it. I know there is something here I need to hold onto, I am sure it has something to do with all these words we are giving so freely. Words we share with each other and mail away to other people. The words and the shadows flickering on the walls behind us, miles or screens easing any discomfort. The memory of one late night in a bar somewhere, nowhere near enough.

Every time I think I cannot possibly remember another reason to be lonely for you, I stumble over a memory someone is still holding, and I tuck it in with everything else. Right along with all our other fading thoughts. I have good reason to be thirsty today and I will tell you it's because friends are meant to live in the same city.

Here is another reason I am worried: I want to remember these things forever. I want to remember the conclusions and theories and teasing and the laughs we threw around. I am worried that I will blink and they will be gone. They will fade and I will lose them, because my mind is only so big, and it is still too small to hold all of you and all of me and all of us as one.

This is what I want to think: I want to think I can hold onto all of us in a tight little circle of friends. I want to think we will stay like this forever, I want to drink us in like a toast of invincibility, L'Chaim! In reality we are going to float apart and there is no way to stop this easy thing from happening. I'd think we could hold onto these things forever but I do not trust this beautiful thing we call memory to hold all our waters back.

I cannot stem the force of lives when they merge or disperse, and I will not pretend that I can. I just want to float this current until I drown remembering. <-- p.s. this one's for you. -->

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