Wanna buy a duck?

This reminds me of something that happened when I was a little kid. Sit back and have a cookie, kids -- it's story time...

My mother had taken my sister and me on a shopping trip to a farmers market one April before Easter. She was picking out some vegetables while we kids played in the dirt nearby. Some guy came up carrying a big cardboard box, pulled on my mom's sleeve, and said, "Those your kids?"

"Yes, they are," said my mother, wondering what kind of trouble we'd gotten into this time.

"Wanna get 'em a duck for Easter?" asked the guy with the box.

My mom did not want to get us a duck for Easter. She knew that we'd enjoy a cute little baby duckling for a few days, but it would eventually grow into a duck, and who wants a big stinky duck running around the house and pooping on the linoleum, right? "No," she said, "We've already got a dog."

"Oh, let 'em take a look, okay?" said the guy. He opened the box, and out leaped this full-grown, angry mallard that he'd apparently caught on a lake somewhere. It flapped its way out of the box, quacking loudly, jumped down to the ground, and took off through the crowd, its wings spread, nipping at anyone who got in its way. After terrorizing half the people at the farmers market, it escaped from the crowd, took to the air, and flew away.

By this time, the duck's "owner" had, of course, disappeared.

The people who owned the farmers market called the police, who apprehended the guy the next day trying to catch another duck at the duck pond at a local park.

A what?

A duck....

Ummm... You mean a live duck!?

Yeah...

Don't you need a duck license or something?

No. That's just for hunting.

You sure?

Positive

Well... What do you feed them?

Not them. It. It's only one duck per customer per day.

Ah. Okay...

You feed 'em duck feed. You can buy it at your local Stuff Mart.

I don't think so... I already have a cat.

You sure? It's only a nickel.

A Nickel!?

Shh!

A nickel?

A nickel.

Is this legal?

...

Well?

Does that really matter? A duck is a duck.

Forget it. I ain't buying any black market duck.

I'll throw in a web domain for free. Mallard.org.

{Exit nate.

Damn.

My parents were at a dinner with the ministers of our church in a nice restaurant somewhere. Part-way through the meal, the senior minister decided to tell a joke:

How do you sell a duck to a deaf man?

They all thought about it for a couple seconds and then the senior minister shouted:

YOU WANNA BUY A DUCK?!

Needless to say, my mother was mortified that a minister had shouted this out in the middle of a nice restaurant. So, if you ever want to tell a joke that will make everyone in the entire restaurant stop for a minute and look at you, this is the one to tell.

This is a game I once played in YRUU conferences. It most likely exists in other places as well, and it certainly has no real religious context. The rules are pretty simple. A few (or a lot) people sit in a circle and the first person has a small dialogue with the second who in turn continues on down the circle: First: Wanna buy a duck? Second: A what? First: A duck. Second: Does it quack? First: Of course it quacks, it's a duck! Second: Wanna buy a buffalo? Third: A what? Second: A what? First: A duck! Second: A buffalo! Third: Does it taste good with haggis? Second: Does it quack? First: Of course it quacks, it's a duck! Second: Of course it tastes good with haggis, it's a buffalo! Third: Interested in orangutans? As you can see, the game is goes in circles. If you stick to animals and the script above, this whole things can quickly become boring. So be creative. Ask people if they would like to procure a cheap country. Demand that items for sale can perform the impossible. The questions and answers travel through the circle like brushfire. As the game progresses it gets more and more hard to remember and eventually, devolves. Also, being sleep deprived, drunk, or high on something, can make this game quicklty fall into surreality.

"If it couldn't quack then it wouldn't be a duck, idiot."

Another thing to do is start repeating people, as in have a circle of four people and go around twenty times. This gets really crazy. Then people start to go non-linear, all semblance of a circle lost, and madness ensues.