There is no need to HONK at me.


I am supremely annoyed by the fact that I can almost never ride my bicycle without having people HONK AT ME! I have come to the conclusion that people honk at me for one of three reasons:

  1. The person in the car knows me.
  2. The person in the car thinks I should not be on or near the road.
  3. The person in the car is a pig and thinks I am hot.

I will now explain why none of these honks are necessary, and demonstrate why they should be shot.

If you know me and you see me riding on my bicycle, DO NOT honk at me. First of all, it generally scares the shit out of pedestrians and bicyclists when a car horn is unexpectedly honked near their heads. This intended friendly behavior could easily cause an accident. And furthermore, it is VERY unlikely that I can even see who you are unless you lean out the window. Most of the people who I have later found out honked at me for the purpose of a friendly "hi" did not know that I didn't know it was them. But here it is, folks, the news: I CAN'T SEE YOU. You're going too fast, and your car windows are either too dark or too reflective for me to be able to discern who the hell you are. So, DON'T DO THIS.

Secondly, I have a right to be in the bike lane. That is why it says BIKE LANE. Bicyclists, contrary to popular belief, are not blocking traffic when they are riding on the road; they ARE traffic. Do not honk at me because you think I am an insane weirdo riding down the middle of the road when I should not be! I make use of bike lanes that are put there for the purpose of being MY lane, and I do not appreciate getting scared half to death by an ASSHOLE who doesn't understand this concept. DON'T DO THIS.

And lastly, I'm sorry if you think my ass is cute, but your car horn does not express your approval appropriately. This annoys me quite a bit, and it does not improve my mood when you lean out the window and yell "WOOOOO BAYYYYYBEEEEEE!!!" In fact, the only purpose this accomplishes is ascertaining for which of the three reasons I've received a honk. DO NOT DO THIS. I WILL BEAT YOU INTO OBLIVION.

Thank you.

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