I made this nodeshell a while ago in hopes that someone would fill it, but it looks like, as with any job, it's done best when you do it yourself. Yes, it's that important.
This is obviously related to a node by a similar name. I found it enlightening and informative, to be sure, but it also raised my hackles on one point -- why does no one care about the male orgasm?
People are too much under the assumption that men are easily satisfied with sex. That if they have sex and get off, they consider it good, full stop. Now, not being experienced and all I really can't say with any real authority, but even I know that's a complete crock of.. your mama's baked beans. I've talked to many, many guys on this point, and it's not as one sided as you might think.
Hippie covered several points that supposedly only apply to women, yet I think that they also apply to men just the same, it's just that they're not allowed to talk about it. I've changed the gender to fit the topic:
- All men climax differently!
Believe it or not and contrary to popular belief, all men are, in fact, different. Sadly, this is never appreciated. Some men are circumcised, some not. Some are endowed, while others are on the lean side -- all these things contribute to the ways and manner in which he will 'get off'.
- Orgasms don't (pardon the pun) come easily!
Any women who thinks that men have it easy really need to think again. The reasoning behind this is understandable but still deserves a closer look -- men appear to orgasm easier because, due in part to instinct and part to hormones, men work toward orgasm versus waiting for it to come to them. Pun intended.
If you think orgasms are easy for men, then you probably haven't had sex with a man, and have never seen him grunting and heaving and sweating intently for minutes on end. It's difficult work, to be sure.
- Our partners need pointers on what turns us on!
Too often people associate an erection with being turned on. This is a sad assumption that, sadly as well, men believe as well. Many men never 'get into' sex because they are, in fact, not turned on -- their bodies are prepared, but the physiological and mental devices never kick in. In this case, sex is no more than a instinctual reaction -- mating verses making love.
Ever wonder why your man is so disinterested afterwards? It may be because, emotionally, this didn't do anything for him more then doing his laundry would.
- Intercourse, alone, doesn't cut it (at least for most of us)!
I shouldn't need to go into this, but I will. Too often, people assume that, just because you 'dipped your pen', it was 'great'.
- Not all orgasm's have the same oomph! We can't always expect an intense orgasm.
Indeed, I couldn't have put it better myself. Orgasm is as much an emotional thing as it is a physical thing, and if those to parts of a person aren't meshing properly, it will distort things.
- ...We really have to 'get into the mood' in order to enjoy sex (women, you could help out here).
With all the talk of the importance of foreplay, it bothers me to hear so often from guys that it is so one-sided. It seems to mean that the majority of time when the phrase "foreplay" is uttered, the meaning implied by thing female is "get me in the mood". This is understandable, as it couples to the fact that people don't know men also need to by mentally and emotionally turned-on. Perhaps the reason that most men really don't care for foreplay is because it's not foreplay at all, instead it is "for-her play".
- Orgams aren't proof of good sex!
Lordy, lordy. The simple fact is that, yes, sometimes men don't enjoy sex. In fact, from what I've been told, the majority of men don't enjoy it half as much as their partners would believe.
As much as in women, the physical aspects of an orgasm are partly separate from the emotional and mental aspects. It is the sad assumption that if a man 'shoots', he had a mind-blowing orgasm and he is satisfied.
The problem here (one of them) is that there are really two types of unsatisfied guys in regard to ineffectual orgasms. The first is a guy who is unsatisfied, but who compensates for it by having sex as much as possible. The second is a guy who is unsatisfied, but doesn't want to be seen as a chauvinist or is too sensitive to say anything because he is afraid of hurting his partners feelings, or simply doesn't know how to tell her.
I have no proper ending for this node, so I take a small bow.
Additonal (soon after): Sleeping Wolf made a very good point to me -- he wanted me to interate the point that... pause for dramatics... there is really more to sex than orgasm and that Ejaculation and Orgasm are not the same.