A B Z D E F G J I H K M L N O P Q R S V U T W X Y C
Back in 1961, Shel Silverstein wrote a book. However, this is most definitely not poetry. Not by a long shot. That, and your little children should most definitely not read it. Uncle Shelby's ABZ Book is an alphabet book, written under the guise of Uncle Shelby, who cares about children very much. "Uncle Shelby" handwrote and drew the whole book, which is evident even from the title page. His handwriting seems to be perpetually capslocked, his spelling sucks (he tried to spell "hippopotamus" eight different ways in the same paragraph!), and he constantly begs his poor readers for money throughout the whole book.
"Uncle Shelby" tries to get the kids to drink scotch and ink, to eat hundreds of apples and some lye, do a home haircut job on poor daddy, and much more - hence the "not for children" label. However, this book is guaranteed laughs for everyone else! An example:
L IS ALSO FOR LYE
DO YOU WANT A NICE RED LOLLIPOP?
GO POUR ALL THE LYE INTO THE TOILET.
NOW TELL MOMMY YOU HAVE EATEN THE LYE
(THAT IS A FIB OR A LITTLE WHITE LYE)
MOMMY WILL TAKE YOU TO THE DOCTOR
IN A TAXI CAB .
AFTER THE DOCTOR PUMPS OUT
HE WILL GIVE YOU A NICE RED LOLLIPOP.
Of course, pictures can't be represented with text very easily, but let it be known that "Uncle Shelby" makes very generous use of arrows.(<-- text.)
I think this book is a hoot to read, and I end up quoting it often. Unfortunately, the quotees sometimes end up saying "What?", "Why do you want a cowboy suit?" or least of all, "Yeah, well, the pony in my gas tank runs on premium sugar!". Go read it.