Here's what you need: a quart of baby's blood in a glass jar, a cup of graveyard dust, one lemon-flavored pickle, a silver knife, and moJoe himself.

After tying moJoe down (you don't think he'll agree to this, do you?), cut a pentagram into his chest with the knife. Be careful you don't injure him too badly -- if you kill him, you'll end up turning him into an astral cat-demon, and then you'll be up Shit Creek.

After you've carved the pentagram (and not before), mix the blood and the graveyard dust together and pour the mixture into the wound while chanting, "Winisiko panuu vaal Dorlog, Dorlog vaal." When you're done pouring, place the empty glass jar next to him -- no further than 12 inches away.

Next, feed him the pickle -- it will work best if he eats the whole pickle, but as long as any of it reaches his stomach, that will be enough.

Then walk backwards around moJoe thirteen times chanting "Winisiki panuu dorll Dorlog, Dorlog dorll vene vaal." Finally, leave the room without looking at moJoe. Wait at least three hours -- do NOT go back any earlier. When you get back, moJoe will be gone, and the jar will be filled with lemon-flavored pickles.

For my next trick... turning Quizro into a Quiet Riot CD.

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