Your plain old truth got you down? Not getting you what you want anymore? Have you tried scrubbing and stretching your truth, but you still get the same old consequences?

Then trade in your truth for a brand new, upgraded one, and get what you really want! You don’t have to deserve it anymore.

See Bill? He’s head of personnel down at the plant. He made some of his employees do every miserable project that came along, gave them all the worst work shifts, sexually harassed them, and when he was done . . . he FIRED them, all because they were women.

With a truth like that, you might think that Bill and his company would be looking at a major class action lawsuit, complete with a hefty damage award, a court order, and lots of negative publicity. Bill might EVEN lose his job.

But not with a new, improved truth. For one low price, Bill traded in all those old, inconvenient facts for brand new ones, and kept his job. Off-color jokes? Sexual innuendos? Messy firings? Forget all about ‘em.

Just throw in some negative performance reviews, embarrassing background checks, and mass layoffs and it was easy for Bill to cover up all those little indiscretions.

And you can, too. Leave all that old, inappropriate behavior where it belongs . . . in the PAST. Cheated on your taxes? Beat your wife? Maybe even stole from work? Now you can forget all about it as we sell your new, improved truth to whoever needs to hear it. The government will leave you alone. Your boss will love you again. And your wife will love you or leave you, whichever you choose.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.

For no extra cost, we’ll sell this same truth right back to you. Say good bye to that guilty conscience. No more long, sleepless nights. By the time we’re done with you, that new, improved truth will be the only one you’ll know. If you call right now, we’ll throw in some extra, custom-made rationalizations for the same low, low price, so you won’t even mind the fee.

So don’t wait, call now. Operators are standing by.

Brought to you by the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham & Howe, LLP. Offer ethically void in all 50 states. May cause loss of morals, principles, and/or everlasting soul.

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