I graduated.
I got a job.
I moved out of my parents' house, got an apartment.

I'm totally independent.

So why do I feel like I'm drowning?

I need to get away from my family - I truly love them, but they are slowly choking the life out of me.

I find myself doing things I swore I'd never do and in denial of the fact that I'm miserable:
Changing my hairstyle. Shopping compuslsively . Eating sporadically. Exercising rigorously.

Some days I wonder how I landed up over here, and whose life this is, and the answer to that is so simple I cry.

It's my father's life, my sister's life. For all my non-conformist ravings and shit, I'm still sitting here and thinking that I can do much better than this.

I can, you know.

It'll be hard to explain to everyone that I'm not the person they think I am, harder yet to tell them that I'll never be the person they want me to be. I don't want to hurt anyone else, just stop the hurting inside of me.

I didn't want to be a programmer, I wanted to be a writer.
I want to fly a Cessna two-seater.
I don't want my hair like this, I want to shave it all off and feel prickly.
I wanted travel the world.
I want to capture alternate forms of life on film.
I want to climb Mt. Everest.
I want to build things with my hands.
I am going to learn hang gliding.
I want someone who will do all this with me.
I want to read the full works of William Shakespeare.
And anything by Robert Frost.
I want to see where Yeats was born.
I want to publish a best seller before I'm 30.
I don't want patronizing attitude, I've got brains and I'm going to use them.
I'm going to be a bitch in high heels and overalls

And today, I'm going to learn how to fly.