A brief tour-guide written by your humble narrator

Shanghai is no doubt one of the more famous man-hives in China. With a population of over 10 million drones, Shanghai eclipses almost every other hive colony in China. It is also one of the most polluted, hence I will now give you details on how to enjoy this stinking ubermetropolis.

On your arrival to the hive, inhale the fetid, polluted air deeply. I advise tourists to buy a gauze mask, conveniently available to the airport itself! The Chinese are so hospitable. Now, you need some Chinese money. Several knaves and con-men will approach you with very attractive rates, then proceed to beat the beejesus out of you before stealing your money. I recommend bringing along several pale devils of sturdy constitution. After beating them to a pulp, steal their money. The cops don't care.

Beware the dangers of the hive. Large tracts of Shanghai are residential areas, consisting of large communes of up to 100 people each. These blockish drone-homes are of robust, yet extremely ugly construction. Nothing to see here but the drudgery of daily socialist life. Move along.... Pale devils are liable to be mugged. Drones dislike being observed by "privileged foreign ghosts".

The soul-crushing repetition of Shanghai life is only broken by government-organized events entertainment and amusement. Watch a public execution and cheer when the condemned are shot! Participate in a police-assisted street brawl! Scream profanity at unsuspecting children! It's all part of the fun place that we call Shanghai!

We also have the hottest nightlife in China. Go to a club, and watch the hookers crowd around you money-laden foreigners and give you free sexual favors. We also have the finest amphetamines in Asia! Knock yourself out!

Before leaving, if you choose, feel free to get ripped off at the "antique" stores selling plastic wares for exorbitant prices. I hope you find this tour guide useful.

As the big sign above the airport says,

"We wish you return to lovely Shanghai soon!" *

* - Bad translation.

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