All of a sudden, you're 22 years old
. You have the entire life ahead of you
. You just recovered from the shock
of getting into your early twenties
and it feels good. Life's a party
. You have a lot of friends you can't count on
, but they're cool nevertheless. Who cares... You're 22 after all. So are they.
One day, in a bar, one of those not so dependable friends introduces you to someone. She's not a top model or anything like that, but something catches your attention. You talk talk and talk. Hours pass by and you don't even notice. OK, here's my phone number. Can I have yours? You don't think you'll be calling her anyway.
One week has passed. Another weekend in your hands without anything to do. You give her a call. You both meet. Again, talk, talk and more talk (of course, I'm not mentioning here the amenities and joys of sex that always happens in those encounters). Hmm... Perhaps we'll be seeing each other after all.
"This year went fast!" That's what everyone says. That 23 years old girl is now your girlfriend. The others never lasted that long! You're getting hooked! Nah. That's never gonna happen. You're only 23 after all. You still have the entire life ahead of you.
Five years later the two of you're still together (and strong). You marry. She's gained a few pounds but again, so did you. Well... You're 28 now. You have a little bit less of a life ahead now. But still a lot to go.
You wake up ten minutes after your first encounter. You're in your mid-thirties. Time flies doesn't it buddy? She's still the same perfect person as before. She tolerates all your mistakes. She encourages you when you need to. She matches you in every aspect. Even the zodiac says yes. She is the love of your life.
That's when it comes out of nowhere. It's a strange feeling. Irrational and destructive, like most of them. But it comes down hard on you.
There's something missing in you life. Some of the pieces of the puzzle were lost some ten years ago. Like a tooth that is not there anymore, but still hurts.
What could it be? You're in good health. You've accomplished at least one of your big dreams. Your old friends call you the lucky one of the gang (even though you busted your ass off studying and working for that). There's a tooth missing in the big mouth of your life.
You look for answers you already know, but cannot accept: You miss being 22 again. You miss your unreliable friends. You miss the parties, the night clubs and the sexual variety. You regret the fact you didn't have as many sexual partners as you wanted. You have become a frustrated individual, but you can't talk about it to your only true friend, since she's also your lover and wife.
The frustration grows stronger. You talk less and less. You don't know what to think. Going out depresses you. It seems that the whole world is having fun except you. Everybody is out there screwing everyone. Except you. Your time for that is over pal. It's a time window that open for a few years, and that's it. Enjoy the ride while it lasts. Your problem has no solution. It wouldn't be nearly as fun now.
Depression? Lack of sex? Midlife crisis? Or all of this together? You won't know. You never will.
You're sad and mad. You don't know what to do. But you have a wonderful wife that loves you. And despite all the pain you're going through, you still very much in love with her.
You grab the remote and turn the TV off. She's already asleep. You stop and think about it and realize your life is not so bad. The cup is half full after all. Perhaps, that's the way it is supposed to be.
And of course, why worry? You have at least half of your life ahead of you anyway...