One cheese mildly resembles Cheddar, another vaguely tastes like Monterey Jack. Then a third layer of what would appear to be a spiced up version of the 1,000 Island dressing that comes on my usual choice, the Big King.

I never get any vegetables on my fast food. I figure why fool myself. But after this burger, I'm wondering if lettuce and pickles are what give burgers a little friction.

It would seem so, since the X-Treme burger is like a poorly timed diorama about plate tectonics. I bite into it, and the patties slide away from each other, bright yellow goop splorts onto the faux foil wrapper. I try to dam it up with my fingers so that the patties stick together, but to no avail.

Now that I have finished the behemoth, I contemplate its marketing. Is there anything really extreme about eating a burger, in America or abroad? Is there an essence of a burger that screams risk or adventure? And isn't the mere comsuption of a burger by all accounts an exercise in passivity, the result of which is only extreme by what it will do to your digestive system if you have not already dulled it through repeated fast food abuse?

I can see the commercials now...can you?

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