As much as I and everyone else thinks I am one person, the mail service is quite certain otherwise. Maybe I am all of these people; perhaps none... would the mail service lie to me; and if so, who’s to say they didn’t lie about anything.

Matthew E. DuPriest: This persona seems most real to me and most others. He receives bank statements to a bank account I remember opening, occasional personal mail from people I remember meeting, and bills, which come to think of it seem much more expensive than they should be; evidence against Matthew E. DuPriest’s existence.

Matthew OaPriest: Possibly the reason for the high bills as he is quite the shopper. He receives all consumer catalogs including but not limited to K-Mart, Sears, and Lazarus. I know little else about him except he shares my address.

Matthew OuPriest:Mr. Oupriest lives at my parents house, is about my age, but is very enthusiastic about the military. He is just all about signing his life away but can’t make up his mind to whom. Consequently he has received mail from all armed forces for several years now. He even received a phone call once.

Joe DuPriest: Also sharing my address and born on the same day as me, Joe was cursed from the beginning for he is incapable of aging. Joe is apparently between the ages 4 and 15 and a member of the Fox 28 Kids Club. Every June 1st he receives a birthday package filled with coupons, some really fun games, and comics. Joe and I have a too much in common for it to be a coincidence.

Matt Dulniest: Mr. Dulniest and I have very little in common but we have similar names and we both receive mail at my parent’s house despite the fact Dulniest lives at 6610 Slacier ave. and my parents live at 6610 Glacier ave. There is no Slacier ave. in the city so I apparently have more of a connection to him than he does. Dulniest is either retired or up for a vacation for he receives all state and resort brochures. Most likely just a vacationer because many of the brochures include snowboarding, white water rafting, and other activities that would be rather difficult for the more elderly.

I guess I am five times the man any of you will ever be... and an infinite times more the little boy.

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