We need to learn to swim. "You first", I say, "Oh", you say, and instead we talk about what it would be like if one of us did learn. So often safer to remain on shore dreaming of swimming. Fly, Back, Breast, Free. There's an ocean between us and I sit here hacking at a cruise-liner with an ax, wishing you'd buy a rowboat and some oars. Still, if you did buy that rowboat, I'd probably build a plane and fly away, scared of what I'd actually do with you here.

A huge thank you to Bindlenix's An ocean away and here he was, seeping into her, for the phenomenal line, which became this node
Amazing, Beautiful, Clueless

The woman sits down at her laptop, wanting to purge herself of this truth. She has already written volumes on the topic of this one man in her journals. This one man who she can tell everything to, except this one blinding, important fact -- she loves him and knows him to be the most amazing and beautiful (inside and out) man she's ever met. She knows exactly why she loves him, exactly why they get along so fantastically, why everyone around them sees (and sometimes asks) what potential they have together. She only doesn't know why they aren't already busy fulfilling this potential. Can't life hurry up and get out of their way so they can get on with living it already?

"It's not time yet" -- ugh, she hates this sentiment, especially since it really seems to be true.

She realizes her life has descended into the realm of Meg Ryan romantic comedies. The woman and the man are best of friends. In fact, she spends more time with him than with her actual best friend. He's been to her house more, she's cooked more (and fancier) meals for him, she's shared more adventures with him. She laughs.

She laughs sometimes because it's funny. Sometimes, she laughs to get back to sanity. Mostly, she laughs because that's just what she does. In the craziest times, when it seems that the truth is crushing down upon them with force unmatched in power, she laughs because it's been the best release. Finding the humor helped her continue through this.

"I don't know how you stand this," says the woman's sister.

"Yeah, sometimes I don't know either."

The woman ponders. Where does this all fit in? It's not unrequited love. She doesn't believe in unconditional love. She's not completely ignored by the man she so desires. In fact, he seems quite incapable of ignoring her. Nobody seems to buy that they are "just friends" anymore -- well, nobody who knows everything that's happened. But she wonders.

Are we just friends? No. She knows that's not true. Too much has happened that points in another direction. The real question (the scarier question) is: Will we ever get to really be more than we currently are?

Patience. Never really one of the woman's virtues. Even though patience has rewarded her many times in this situation, she struggles to continue down this path.

Interact. Analyze. Incorporate into existing thoughts. Repeat.....repeat....


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