Before becoming a college student, I was required to take many hours of on-line alcohol education before I was allowed to move into my dorm. Although I do think that it is fairly reasonable for a college to make an investment in the future well being of their students, something that upset me was the constant reiteration of how the college will prosecute alcohol rapes:
Should a male and a female have sex under the influence of alcohol or other drugs, and afterwards the female decides she did not want to have sex, this will be prosecuted as rape, even if she consented at the time.
I do not mean to say that it is OK to have sex against someone's consent with anyone; I'd personally have to say that the only thing worse then rape is murder. I cannot describe how saddened, confused, and mad I would be if my girlfriend was raped, or if, heaven forbid, I was raped. I can however, describe how mad I would be if I was wrongly accused of rape, or if I was prosecuted for having sex with a drunk girl when I was drunk.
Why would I be mad about this? The way that universities and the law treats alcohol this way fucks the guy in the situation. Suppose you go to a party and have a few beers and meet a cute girl, who also has had a few beers. You two hit it off, and go back to one of your place's, where you start hooking up. Before you put a condom on, and enter her, you ask her:
Can I enter you?
Get inside of me already!
The next moring, you wake up next to someone whom you barely know. You're feeling kind of awkward
, and you get your stuff together, as the girl is crying
. You talk to her and ask her what is wrong and she says:
I didn't want to have sex.
and you think to yourself, "Why'd you tell me you wanted to then?" You say your goodbyes
, and leave. Later that day, you are in hot shit
, sitting in front of a judge
who tells you that you are here because you may have raped
a girl. As you sit there, you think to yourself "My life is ruined
. If I get convicted, I'm going to go to prison
, I'll be kicked out of college, and I'll be known as a rapist
for the rest of my life."
College-aged males have been convicted as rapists for stuff like this. How is this fair? I mean, I'm sorry to the girl that feels like she was raped, but she did say something to the effect of "I would be fine having sex with you right now." What is the guy supposed to do in this circumstance? Not have sex with girls he meets at parties? Yes, I do suppose that is an option, and that is the option that I would choose, but this is how many college students meet members of the opposite sex. He wants to have sex with a girl, and she seems to want to have sex with him. As far as someone can rationally tell in that situation, there is consent. Is a guy supposed to make a girl sign a fucking contract that she won't change her mind about whether she wanted to have sex with him?
Even worse, in the online alcohol education classes, they put the entire responsibility on the guy. What if a girl has sex with a guy when they are both drunk, and the guy later decides that he didn't want to have sex and that it was against his consent? According to what they've instructed us, the male in this situation has no recourse.
How is that fair?
I somehow think that rape hurts regardless of what sex you are. Or, I guess I should say non-consensual sex, since in many places, rape of a male either is rarely prosecuted, or is not criminal.
Women can be rapists too.
The whole point of this here, is that college administrations and the police are treating males highly unfairly when it comes to alcohol related rapes, where consent was given at the time. I wish that situations never happened where these problems would be encountered, but the reality of the situation is that college aged males are being treated unfairly, and the lines of what consensual sex is are blurring. After what happened at Duke and the blurring of the lines when it comes to alcohol and consensual sex, I'd honestly have to tell any of the guys that I go to school with to not have sex with a girl they weren't in a relationship with, because I don't know what consent even means anymore.
My full apologies to anyone who has been raped due to alcohol or drugs. I don't advocate not prosecuting legitimate rapes, I just really worry for the future of a world where the concept of what two consenting adults is, is eroding.