This writeup will have a half-life of roughly 48 hours. From the time of its inception it shall slowly lose relevancy as more information comes out in the next few days; the writeup will slowly lose relevancy, by half and half again, until its usefulness will be effectively spent.

It is fitting and proper that this writeup be measured by half-lives.

It is fitting and proper that this writeup refer back to itself as ‘the writeup’. The subject of the writeup (that is forthcoming) has existed on the database, in skeletal sketches, for quite some time.

Tulse Luper was present at the creation of uranium. And he spent much time in prison. We know this to be true.

He owned 92 suitcases throughout his life, each filled with 92 items. The first suitcase put together in his first prison; a coalhouse his father locked him into, for punishment. The first suitcase contains 92 lumps of coal. The atomic number of uranium is 92. We know these facts to be true.

Tulse Luper’s life is far too large to be contained in a single movie. It is also far too large to be contained into a single narrative. The current plans for documentation involve at least three films, art exhibits, countless web pages, DVD-ROMs and one known book : “Tulse Luper in Turin”. His upcoming works have attracted the attention of seemingly thousands of A-list Hollywood actors and the rumored cast list seems to change daily. We do not know this cast list. The rest is independently verified by the New York Times.

Tulse Luper was a compatriot of Wilhelm Reich, a collaborator of David Cronenberg, and worked on projects that spanned from cutting-edge particle physics to collage art to filmmaking. Tulse Luper is a cross between a sensationalized Nikola Tesla, any unexceptional man caught in a Gulag Archipelago, and the life and times of Peter Greenaway. This is fitting and proper. Tulse Luper is a creation of Peter Greenaway. We know this to be true even though Mr. Greenaway is trying to obfuscate the details a bit. We give him credit for trying.

Tulse Luper holds his hands above his head to make his pulse race. Tulse Luper likes the dark, loves women, and “...wrote many letters but seldom sent them. He objected to buying stamps. He would rather have walked his letters to their destination than pay the post-office.” Tulse Luper enjoys Foucault, Nabokov, and Joyce. He also recommends that you read Pynchon’s The Crying of Lot 49. We know this to be true because the bookseller Amazon.com has recommendations from Mr. Luper.

Tulse Luper has been elsewhere on the Internet. Tulse Luper has been here before, on E2. Peter Greenaway has also been here. Tulse Luper's life as a fictional character may span decades. We know this to be true because Mr. Luper makes reference to The Falls, a 1980 film by Mr. Greenaway, featuring 92 victims of the VUE – a Violent Unknown Event.

Mr. Greenaway is not above patting himself on the back. Nor does he mind complimenting his friends. We know this to be true, and we find it wholly endearing.

An art exhibit featuring Tulse Luper has already opened, and the book has had all ordering closed; the first film, The Tulse Luper Suitcase : The Moab Story, has been completed, with score by Michael Nyman. It is due to premiere at the Cannes film festival. We know this to be true because it’s been printed on the Cannes film schedule, and we wholeheartedly trust the organizers of the Cannes film festival.

As of this writing, the Tulse Luper website, the Tulse Luper Network, is due to open in 68 hours. The website now features a countdown that you may check yourself, in case you do not trust my ‘we know this to be true’ pronouncements.

I remember noticing when the Tulse Luper writeups appeared on the old beige-adobe version of Everything, with its 512-charater limits and its wild love for Brian Eno. I remember becoming intrigued by the bits and pieces about Tulse Luper on the internet at that time; just enough to create a framework on which any fantasy could be hung.

Mr. Greenaway will be hanging his fantasy up for us for the next few years. We know this to be true, and we wish him luck.









We don't actually know all of these facts to be true, although we suspect many of the allegations herein. We will still proclaim it to be the truth. We just love hyperbole, overexaggeration, and outright lies.

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