I happened to find this little gem of Engrish spam in my e-mailbox one day. Save for rewrapping, the following is sic as received:
From: MYELLOWTIGER@aol.com
Message-ID:
Date: Sat, 16 Dec 2000 05:57:37 EST
Subject: BB
To: Teresa@europeancoffeehouse.com
CC:
(A whole lot of email addresses, which I have snipped)
X-Mailer: Windows AOL sub 125

My name is Michio SHIMIZU and I am here since 1959. I grew up in Japan, and studied in the University of Tokyo. Although more than half of my life time was spent in USA, I lived in Europe also. I have three sons and they are very much interested in computer science.

I travelled around the world and I visited Taiwan and China.

I developed a new postmodernistic approach to my computer based upon my global experience and China connection, and deduced out of my contra timely thinking. I am a Roman Catholic sinner who believes in the great help given by my angel. My angel whispered to me sometimes in the morning when I woke up, or when I was still dreaming. Naturally and very intentionary, I refused to follow the stereotype approach , most people in this country are following. I do not emphsize those methods helpful for one isolated operater, sitting alone, feeling very sophisticated, and finding onself high and mighty, while working with his own computer.

I like to tell you a really money making way of using computer in such a way positive feedback of money flow will make you very happy and the fact that I am your friend could in sudden become apparent when you learn a completely different way of thinking, that are found in the brains of Japanese. Chinese, female Polish, and Germans. I therefore, very intentionallly teach my followers to exclusively use my system, even when there were a better and faster way.

When my followers understand my system of using Sony, Fujifilm or Mitsubishi floppy discs, marked with a Sanford Sharpie Marker, they gradually understandthere is a terrific advantage in using such contratimely method.I have a special floppy discs called Schlussel, that could contain only one secret http address or a collection of such universal resource locater addresses recorded on them.

The address do not begin at the left margin. There are few blank spaces placed. Also, there are blank line placed above and below the address line. This make highlighting address for Brillo or spectacle wearers.

When address only is highlighted, and then "copy" to address box of your desk top, you will realize such a small improvement could be great for some whose eyesight is limited. In stead of using "My Favorite" nor CD Rom, this floppy disk method could help me as a frequent traveller, and this could also be helpful, when I want to share the Schlussel and other info database with my friends in Siberia or in China. My E-mail address list can also be in many floppy discs and can be shared with my partners in Siberia, in Nepal or in Tibet.

My organization, "Synchro Digital" is my steps toward the formation of the Shadow World Goverment of Siberian Tigers, The Synchro Digital System can brain storm the modernized computer users in usa WITH OUR POST MODERNISM.

When a computer is used, to get enough income to buy a better equipment and to find more people to follow me and help my work in the remote corner of our planet, seems to be very important.

Once your computer business came to that point, you are O.K. An automobile in trouble in a very cold Muinnesota weather, that caused the failure of engine starting, could be compared with a sitting duck.

Yet once the engine is started, from that instant on, the car could travel one thouisand miles a day, before the day is over. In the same way, computer usersmust start up their project, by earning so much as to keep the steady growth of their business.

In the past years, I was helped so much by the European Coffee house. I like to express my hearty thanks here.

I would very much like to ask you, if and when you want to know my system called "Synchro Digital", please open the home page of the European Coffee House. I can lend my lecture video free of charge. I got the idea one after another while I sipped cups of a very strong Polish coffee from European Coffee House. The encourangement, kindness and friendship of European Coffee house so kindly given to me proved to be the key to my postmodernistic way of living, I barely managed to realize. Universal resource locater address for "European Coffee House" is as follows.

http;www.europeancoffeehouse.com

Yours most respectfully,
Michio SHIMIZU
404 Texas Avenue,
Hopkins, MN 55343

Your guess is as good as mine.

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