The liberals are at it again
. I saw a reference to this in a friend's .sig
, and at first I thought it was a joke, but then I did some research just to be sure. It's no joke.
This time, they've dreamed up a new way to destroy Christianity
with their political correctness
The Metric Bible.
Slated for fall release, the Metric Bible
will attempt to "rationalize" Scripture
by "fixing" all the "inconvenient" (read: accurate) numbers which dot the text. For example, the number of Gideon
's sons will be changed from "threescore and ten
" to 100. Judas
will henceforth receive a payment of 100 pieces of silver (it's just like the liberals
to give him a raise). Adam
will gain seventy years of life, dying now at age 1000; Enos
will make out like a bandit, gaining 95 years to equal Adam
The plain and reliable account of Creation
given in Genesis
will be defaced: The liberal God
will spend nine days creating the Earth
, and rest on the tenth day. This is clearly the first step in a gradual campaign to lengthen the time given in the Biblical account until it matches the ludicrous figures favored by the "evolution
All measurements given in cubit
s will be converted to meter
s to kilometer
s to square kilometer
Og king of Bashan
will grow until his bed is ten cubit
s by five, and then they'll convert to meter
s, and then they'll round up again!
In the Gospel
s, Matthew 5
:41 will be changed. "And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain" is the correct version, but the liberals
will change "twain
" to "ten", and "mile" to "kilometer
". Do the math for yourself: It's farther in their version. This is not a small thing. I am a righteous man
: When somebody compels me to go a mile, I do indeed go two, but not one inch further. The liberals
would have me go very much further indeed, in defiance of the will of God
(While we're in Matthew
, allow me to call your attention to Matthew 5
:40, wherein our Savior
advocates tort reform
The parable of the hundred sheep
:12) will be left intact. The liberals
always liked that one anyway.
The Number of the Beast
will be rounded up to 1000.
There will be only ten apostles
My friends, we must not permit this abomination!