The Matrix A La VeggieTales
Screenplay by KillerPenguin
Cast of Characters:
: Larry the Cucumber
: Bob the Tomato
: Laura the Carrot
: Mr. Lunt
: Jerry Gourd
: Jimmy Gourd
: Annie the Unrecognizable Vegetable
: Archibald Asparagus
: Junior Asparagus
: Madame Blueberry
The Spoon Boy
: Pa Grape
: Qwerty the Computer
: The French Peas
At this point you can either continue reading my rendition of what this would be like, or take my cast of characters and imagine the hilarity for yourself. Your Decision, have fun.
Act 1, Scene 1
Close up of Qwerty's Screen, complete with funky outlined boomerang motif.
Numbers rotating in big block lettering
Laura the Carrot: Target just left work, mumbling about his lips, headed
Mr. Lunt: Good, between you and me, do you believe what Morpheus says?
Qwerty beeps and clicks
Laura the Carrot: What was that?
Lunt: What was what?
Laura: Are you sure this line is clean?
Lunt: Of course
Qwerty Screen: Trace complete
Laura: I'd better go.
Camera travels through Qwerty's screen, it's all a kaleidoscope of pastels.
Act I, Scene 2
Laura typing at Computer, seen from back
Cops break door down (cops played by the scallions)
Laura is out of her chair
Portly scallion approaches
Laura jumps in air as camera rotates around her
(Real time resumes)
Laura headbashes cop
Cop falls over, rest of cops run screaming
Laura jumps from window and runs to payphone and escapes.
I know, it's not going to be contiguous, imagine in the rest.
Int. Interrogation Room
French Pea 1: It seems, Mr. Anderson, that you are leading two lives.
In one of them, you are the star of a successful children's video series.
The other life, is lived in computers, and spandex, which we'd rather not
One of these lives, has a future and one of them does not.
But frankly, we're here because, we need your help.
It is our belief that you have been contacted by an individual named
He is considered by many authorities to be the most dangerous vegetable alive.
We are willing to wipe the slate clean, Mr. Anderson, all we are asking is your cooperation in bringing a known criminal to justice.
Larry the Cucumber: Boy that sound like a pretty good deal, but I've got a better one.
How about, I give you the finger...
French Pea 1: Tell me, Mr Anderson, how will you give me the finger, if you don't have any hands?
Larry: I don't know.
Larry lunges over table at Agent Smith. The other two agents grab him and strap him down.
Camera pans up and overhead light overwhelms screen, the only thing heard is the sound of struggling.
Larry shouts (voice over): Not the peelerrrr...
We see Larry wake up in his own bed.
His phone rings.
Bob the Tomato (on phone): Do you know who this is?
Bob: Yes...this line is tapped so I must be brief, the Agents underestimated how important you are, if they knew what I know...you'd probably be salad.
Bob: Go to the Adams Street Bridge.
Act I, Scene 3
Car pulls up
Larry gets in car, Trinity
Laura (Trinity): Lift up your shirt.
Larry: I'm not wearing a shirt.
Laura: Right, well, we think you're bugged. Lie back.
Switch points a device at Neo
Larry: What's that?
Apoc, Switch and Trinity chime in together: SALAD SHOOTER
Annie (Switch): It's for our protection, Neo.
Act II, Scene 1
Neo wakes up, cold and alone on a makeshift bed inside the Nebby K. Nezzer
, Morpheus' ship.
Bob the Tomato: We believe that you're the one, Neo, the one who can free us from the Tyranny that is the Matrix
Larry: Oh, okay.
Bob: Come with me, your training will begin.
Neo is taken into the main deck of the ship where the crew is working busily.
Bob: Guys, Neo; Neo, Guys.
Morpheus takes him to the center of the ship an shoves what looks like a kebab stick
in his head.
Neo feels the ship swirl and dissolve around him, he is suddenly on the top of the counter he is rather familiar with.
Bob: You must let go Neo, free your mind
As he speaks, Bob hops awkwardly to the edge of the counter and in an amazing feat of vegetable aerobics, he seems to fly to the kitchen table far distant.
Larry: Free my mind...free my mind...
Larry hops and attempts the same thing, only to be turned into Cucumber Guacamole
on the kitchen floor.
He awakes again in the Nebby K.
Bob: It's okay, everyone misses the first jump.
Bob: Nope, you're the first.
Bob: Time to see the oracle
Larry: Who's that?
Bob: You wouldn't understand.
Act II, Scene 2
After Neo learns his destiny from the Oracle, they return to their entry point where the Agents are waiting for them, Morpheus is captured, Switch
, and Mouse
are killed after an unquestionably valiant effort to hold guns
. Neo and Trinity are back in the Nebby K. Nezzer.
Larry: I'm going in, I have to rescue Morpheus.
Laura: No, don't! Stay here, we'll make hydroponically engineered hybrid vegetables
Larry: A Cu-Carrot? I don't think so. Besides, the Oracle told me that I'd have to choose, Morpheus' life, or mine. She also told me that I'm not the one.
Larry: I need guns
Laura: You can't hold guns.
Larry: Got Duct Tape
Laura: Of course!
Neo and Trinity tape all forms of weaponry to their bodies and prepare to enter the Matrix
Act II, Scene 3
After clearing out the lower lobby of the building in which Morpheus was being held, Neo and Trinity drop the Wallminator 3000
down the elevator shaft and proceed to make their way to the roof. On the roof, Neo dons his Super Suction Ears
(TM) and attaches himself to the window where they are questioning Morpheus. Morpheus realizes that, since he has no hands, there's nothing keeping him in the chair and he gets up and begins to overpower the agents. Neo, by this time, has slid beneath the window of the interrogation room and is sliding down the building. Bob leaps through the glass and grabs on to Neo (God knows how) propelling him at a faster, but not yet deadly, rate towards the ground.
They reach the ground.
Bob: Neo, you're the one...
Larry: I know...
Rage Against The Machine
Music Fades Up