What is impossible?
I'm told you can't come back from the dead. I'm told you can't go into your darkest and deepest abyss and rise from it. I'm told you can't live a full life with the chronic medical condition I have. None of this is impossible. It is just that some people think it is.
Impossible is something else. It is the ultimate challenge. It is about testing your very nature, your innermost feelings, your greatest desires, and taking them somewhere they have never been able to take you before.
I once met and got to know someone who could not possibly exist and we profoundly changed each other. That might have been impossible. It might have been evidence that my dreams provide road maps to where my life's journey is meant to take me. And the truth is that I have become tired. I have become so very, very tired.
And then I was awoken, not from a dream, but awoken from life. I felt a guiding force helping me along each step in my journey back from lying half-dead in a hospital bed two years ago to the place I once called home. Each step seemed to be about bringing me back to living a life that left me gratified and fulfilled.
Instead I found the impossible girl.
She is impossible. She isn't real. She is drawn from the pages of my dreams and my imagination. She is a character from a story I would never dare to write. Her existence is impossible.
And yet there she is, standing in front of me, looking at me with magical eyes that laugh at me and somehow understand me. I cannot look away. She stays on my mind, summoning my innermost feelings, challenging me to believe that she exists, and then daring me to prove that she does. Or perhaps prove she does not.
It is what she seems to do. She is the impossible girl.
I have known many women. I have loved many women. I have loved women with a depth of emotion beyond my own comprehension, all of which I had to let go of. The reason was always the same.
"You, my love, can never give yourself completely to one person, and no one who loves you could ever ask that of you."
Is that a flaw? Is it my superpower? It is my truth. It is what makes me impossible. I give everything I can to everyone I know, and I can do no less. I can't give everything to one person. I can only give all that I can. It has never been enough. I am fluid, I am mobile, I am ever-changing, and I am never given to putting down roots. I go where the journey takes me and I will not look away from it. If I cannot help as many people as possible help themselves towards a better, happier, and more fulfilling existence than I am not who I am.
I once entered into a relationship that was a resolution to the question of what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. The answer is that they destroy each other and have to be reborn as something else or die. I'm still an unstoppable force. I'm still here. I'm impossible. I cannot exist.
Neither can she, this elfish beauty from some strange enchanted land who appeared out of nowhere and understood my strange and animated language. She smiled at me and my heart broke. She listened to me and my eyes filled with tears. She accepted a gift I gave her as if it were both the most exciting moment in time and the most expected, normal occurence that had ever been. And then, when I went outside, the sky had turned to gold.
I am still learning who she is, but I know she is impossible. So am I. The impossible people know each other.
Maybe sometimes they find each other as well.
This adventure is one worth undertaking and it shall be a journey like none I have ever taken before. Perhaps it is the one I have been preparing for all these years.
No, that would be impossible.