What future does Everything hold for me?
Will I ever reach level 6?
Does love await in the chatterbox?
<soothing voice> Our Friendly Everything Psychics have been helping the
find their noding equilibrium for months!
Just ask our satisfied customers:
cut to head-shot of EDB
<EDB> (slurrrrr-p!) I was having problems figuring out which noders to... borg. Sometimes it gets so...
confusing... (slurrrr-p!).... They all look so... tasty... but my Everything Psychic helped
me find the biggest... (slurrr-p!) and juciest noders of all...
cut to nate wearing a kimono, holding his charred Uncle Duke trinket, in his burned apartment
<nate> The Everything Psychic Connection is responsible for the robust and unique feature set in Everything Software. Without the guidance of the EPC, I probably would have spent
all my time adding ridiculous features like a spell checker! Thank you, EPC!
cuts to scene of nate on the phone, nodding eagerly
<Everything Psychic> Now is a crucial time. It's important to allow new content on the Front Page...
cuts to 1-900 splash screen
<soothing voice> Don't hesitate. Call today for your personalized horoscope, and see what your Everything Future has in store...