Will I ever reach level 6?

Does love await in the chatterbox?

<soothing voice> Our Friendly Everything Psychics have been helping the best noders find their noding equilibrium for months! Just ask our satisfied customers:

cut to head-shot of EDB

<EDB> (slurrrrr-p!) I was having problems figuring out which noders to... borg. Sometimes it gets so... confusing... (slurrrr-p!).... They all look so... tasty... but my Everything Psychic helped me find the biggest... (slurrr-p!) and juciest noders of all...

cut to nate wearing a kimono, holding his charred Uncle Duke trinket, in his burned apartment

<nate> The Everything Psychic Connection is responsible for the robust and unique feature set in Everything Software. Without the guidance of the EPC, I probably would have spent all my time adding ridiculous features like a spell checker! Thank you, EPC!

cuts to scene of nate on the phone, nodding eagerly

<Everything Psychic> Now is a crucial time. It's important to allow new content on the Front Page...

cuts to 1-900 splash screen

<soothing voice> Don't hesitate. Call today for your personalized horoscope, and see what your Everything Future has in store...