ENG COMP 101
September 5, 2136
The Complete History of Breathatall
And its Importance in Modern Life
By Scott Prager
Modern life as we know it began the year of 2120, the birth year of Breathatall. A large controversy was created only a few years before over the FDA’s decision to declare the air in certain districts not breathable due to heavy pollution caused by callous littering. In the following years, entire states of the USA were considered uninhabitable and these areas were evacuated and quarantined. Luckily Exxon Mobile, Ford, Monsanto, Philip Morris and Dow Chemical all joined forces to create one powerful force that would ensure the comfort and safety of the American public.
Breathatall started by providing air to the areas of excess pollution. Air would come in the form of large light-weight metal tanks on wheels. For a small fee of $60 one could purchase enough air to live in one of these areas until the next purchase the next day (or six hours).
The liberal government began producing their own air factories and made it a building code standard that buildings would have air supplied directly into every structure's interior–-thus enabling one to conserve air while inside one’s house, or in a superstore. While in power they also foolishly questioned the ethics of selling simple air to common citizens. They were quickly overthrown by the Republican Party with arguments such as “I don’t see this as unethical. This same government has been charging its people for water for a longer time, and one could argue that as being unethical.” The liberal party nearly vanished from the political spectrum in terms of strength, thanks to the help of lobbyists and supporters of free enterprise.
Soon a healthy conservative democracy was in power, which led way to logic and sense in the government. One of the first plans of action was to charge for the government-supplied air to buildings, and later it was decided to give the operation over to Breathatall for a good sum of money. The last fleeting breath of the liberal party was them screaming “Breathatall has an unfair monopoly over this unethical hypocritical industry!” This strategic counter of the Republican Party kept them in power through this TV ad: “The democrats wish to banish the very air they use to complain about it. Vote conservative.”
By year 2124, a healthy lifestyle had been structured named by Breathatall, “The American Way.” People could wake up in their sustained-air-quality house or apartment, eat their breakfast and put on their oxygen mask. Hooking it to their Breathatall tank they could step outside and, on the way to school, stop by a vender and buy the days worth of air, with the help of specially designed suits to help carry the tank. Then the prospective students could arrive at school to learn reading, writing, arithmetic and the dangers of the black market.
Many people made air and sold it under the radar. This was, and is to this day, a dangerous threat to the general population. These black market dealers would take air and dilute it so that it may be stretched in a process known as stepping. This also gave way to air induced drugs such as the infamous “keel,” as it is known on the street. The ghettos were flooded with this contaminated air, and they became the haven of the black market drugs and stepped air.
Partially to blame for this was the fact many were too lazy to get jobs that could sustain this lifestyle, and thus could not afford the suit required to carry a large tank of air around. At first, the poor would fill tanks lasting an hour for $25 each, and hang out inside stores and commercial businesses all day, but they were soon kicked out for loitering and many just gave up. To help, the government created air parks where one could stay for free all day and night. But that lazy minority complained that the air was stale and of low quality and that they couldn’t sleep there because another hobo might steal their tank. (The poor are never satisfied until they steal your lifestyle that you earned.)
The previous may sound grim, but Breathatall has a solution. By introducing proper education about being a hard working American and staying away from tainted air into our school systems, Breathatall will save countless lives from crime. At elementary levels we will teach about the history of the air we breath. Middle school and high school will include education into air circulation and air drugs, as well as learning more extended history like brand loyalty.
For example: In 2130, a company of liberals started a company, funded by other liberals nation wide, called “Thinking, Breathing, Living, Clearly.” (The TBLC) They charged less for air, but there was something fishy about them. People hated the long name, but public opinion got worse once Breathatall suffocated them with superb, informational ads releasing the dirt on them. The first campaign about The TBLC revealed that that the CEO had a family tree leading all the way back to the Nazi Party! Then we learned that one of the chairmen was the former democrat president, who broke our hearts. After these two ads, we needed no more. We would, and we will, never trust our lungs with another company, unless its name is Breathatall!
Now, thanks to Breathatall, our economy is the best of any other nation. We no longer have to bend down to those European countries and their fuel efficient cars; they’re so poor they bend down to us, begging us to give them more air! We have the highest standard of living than any other, and we have one of the highest life expectancy ratings. We’ve conquered over nature, nations and what even we thought was impossible. And with a record like that, you can just see in tomorrow’s paper “Cancer Cured!” With a record like that, we had the confidence to boost our economy, improve our lives, and become a nation of independents and with liberty and justice for all!