If you live in Britain, chances are you've probably heard about Alastair Darling and his recent so-called "green budget" which basically means more petrol tax, more car tax, and more drink tax, ostensibly to try and force down binge drinking and CO2 emissions but the proceeds of which will probably be spent on giant intrusive databases, CCTV, and ways to sidestep the presumption of innocence. All of which I oppose for various reasons, but that's a whole other node. Needless to say, though, the following piece of 1970s xeroxlore which I have since brought up to date can't be far off...
The country was in such a terrible state,
When the Commons arose for a Budget debate,
It was quite a few minutes before the Chancellor spoke,
And he said, "Sex will now cost one pound a poke."
"Whether you're short, little, long, fat or thick,
This tax will be paid on the use of your dick."
Then Peter Mandelson said, "Look Alaistair dear,
Will this tax apply to the boys who are queer?"
Mark Oaten arose and looked rather glum,
"Will I be exempted - I prefer bum?"
Mr Darling replied and he sounded quite airy,
"The tax will be doubled for you, you old fairy."
Mr Cameron arose to tremendous applause,
He grabbed Harriet Harman and ripped off her drawers,
He straddled across her and rode her at will,
Then shouted at Darling, "Put that on my bill!"
Mr Brown then shouted, "I think I'll resign,
I haven't had sex for a very long time,
I dream every night of a fanny that's hairy,
But I get no response from my darling Sarah."
The debate carried on, oh my what a sight,
Boris Johnson was wanking the whole of the night,
The speaker then said "Let the voters decide,
But I think they'll all settle for one quid a ride."
So now in the bedrooms of Britain at night,
There's many a fanny that's closed good and tight,
We're taxed on our booze and we're taxed on our smoking,
But we didn't expect to be taxed when we're poking.
If a pound a grind is the price we must pay,
The answer is this, with ourselves we must play,
To quench our frustration we now have to wank,
And for the state of the country we've got Labour to thank.