Having worked as a
telemarketer in a small company for a long time now, I feel that it's time to expose some of
our dirty secrets. Come along with me on
a magical journey, for your very own inside look at the world of the
semi-legal and the
ethically dubious.
My first piece of advice: don't buy windows -- or any other large purchase -- from a small company, especially one that telemarkets itself. I think the following exposé will speak for itself.
dimroed's Inside Look
What We Say vs. What We Mean
We Say
As part of our off-season promotion, we're offering up to a 50% discount at this time.
We Mean
It isn't often one sees an off-season promotion being offered
all year round, but, apparently, it's winter all the time up here. As for the
50% discount, by saying
up to, we essentially lose any
obligation to follow up on that promise. Basically, you'll get whatever discount the salesman feels is neccessary to get the job.
We Say
There's no pressure to buy.
We Mean
The salesman won't leave your house until you kick him out (well, not exactly, but it's good enough for dramatic effect). Not only are you gonna be pressured more than the hull of a bathysphere, but if you don't buy, we'll put you on our special harass-this-guy-more-often list.
We Say
We don't have salesmen, all our estimators are craftsmen straight from the factory. They don't get paid by commission, so they won't pressure you to buy
We Mean
We don't have craftsmen, all our estimators are salesmen straight from the telemarketing office. Notice the use of the word craftsman to suggest a hard-working, good-old-fashioned individual dedicated to his work, instead of a dirty, pissed-off man with no future. I don't know about the payment, but I imagine there's some sort of commission involved.
We Say
The quote is good for a full year
We Mean
The quote is good for six months. But don't worry about that; we'll call you back every couple of months to make sure you get another one.
We Say
We'd like to see both you and your spouse, since there's many different styles to choose from, and we'd like to give you the most accurate price.
We Mean
We need both of you to be there so we can pressure you into buying.
We Say
We've been in business for 25 years
We Mean
Since the owners are both under 30, this is clearly not true. Also, as far as I've been able to figure out, the company's name has changed about three years ago, probably to evade bad reputation. And can someone with legal experience tell me how legal it is to have two companies in the same business, owned by the same people, operating under different names from the same office? Because that happened too.
We Say
We're part of the Better Business Bureau
We Mean
We put their logo on our business cards.
We Say
We have our head office in Downsview, which is just a bit north of Toronto, but we do have offices in Oshawa, Waterloo, and Barrie. I can't give you their address because they are just administrative offices
We Mean
We have an Oshawa, Waterloo, and Barrie area phone number that forwards the call to our head office in Downsview, which is in Toronto (people outside Toronto don't seem to like Toronto. Can you guess why?). We can't give you the address because they don't exist.
We Say
We offer a lifetime warranty on all our windows.
We Mean
We offer a lifetime warranty on all our windows. However, you will never, ever, be able to reach us by phone, fax, or email.
We Say
You already had windows installed and you have a problem with them? I'll pass your name and number down to our service department.
We Mean
I'll put a note on the secretary's desk. It will get thrown out in the morning.
Reading over this, it seems a bit worse than what it actually is. It's mostly little
white lies, and the only part that really bothers me is that we'll never do any maintenance on our windows. Otherwise, it's actually not as sleazy as it sounds.
But dimroed, you ask, how can you work for such an immoral place? To which I reply calmly, "Get off your high-horse, you good-for-nothing do-gooder! At least I warned you about it! Bunch of freaking holier-than-thou tightwads..."
I'll add more entries when I think about them.