carried out by the UBC Engineers
. Anecdotal evidence suggests other Engineering
groups may enjoy this pastime
To conduct a tanking, you'll need:
The tanking procedure:
- Have the four sturdy folk seize upon the victim and bear him or her upon their shoulders to the body of water.
- Rotate the victim pi radians about the longitudinal axis and set him or her upon the ground.
- Remove the victim's clothing down to the undergarments. The accomplice of the opposite gender must undo the pants, if applicable. If the victim has chosen to go commando, so be it.
- The ringleader calls the spectators to attention and fulfils the requirements of due process. The pronouncement must be as follows:
Hear Ye, Hear Ye! The Court of the Engineers is now in session!
We have before us one (victim's name).
(He/She) is charged with the following three offenses:
(insert three offenses here. Possibilities include having a birthday, not wearing red undergarments, distorting the grade curve with an unnaturally high exam score, and so on.)
How do we find (him/her)?
- The crowd renders its verdict by shouting "Guilty" or "Not Guilty". Strangely enough, it's always "Guilty." Just goes to show the system works!
Tank the bastard!
- On the count of three, the sturdy folk pitch the victim into the water. Everyone takes a few steps back, as the victim is entitled to revenge through splashing and chasing down and hugging anyone they can catch.
Care must be taken to observe protocol, as an improper tanking is a tankable offense. It is important to note that anyone involved who hasn't been tanked before (that is, a Virgin of the Waters) will automatically be next in line for tanking.
Courtesy and chivalry dictate that anyone wishing to tank a woman must provide 24 hours notice. Many victims notified in this fashion choose to come to school the next day with a bathing suit under their clothes. Others try to hide. Of course, that just makes the situation worse.