Get a chicken. This is the sort of thing which will require the whole chicken (well, most of the chicken). Make sure it's a fresh chicken. Frozen chicken is not the good. I can't be held responsible for the consequences if you use frozen chicken.

Also, get a roasting pan and a gas barbecue (make sure you've got lots of gas and that there isn't a family of spiders in the venturi tubes). Also get several friends. I'd say this feeds about 4 hungry people.

Pour a bunch of vegetable oil (you will really regret it if you use olive oil) and a little sesame oil into the roasting pan (one of those big black enamel deals. it should be a little bigger than your chicken (about twice the size of your head is good)). Ok, so now you've got about a centimeter (half inch) or so of oil in the bottom. Put in a couple of crushed dried chilis (I use about 10 small dried chilis). If you decide to add other things make sure they are not the sort of things that will not like hot oil for extended periods. Put the pan on the barbecue, light barbecue, set on medium-high, and ignore for a few minutes.

Now, wash your chicken and take out the giblets and neck and stuff (you can roast the neck alongside if you want, it's pretty tasty). Into the chicken put a couple of whole (peeled) cloves of garlic and an onion. Right about now the oil will be the right temperature.

Open up the barbecue and examine the contents. If the chilis are smoking, it was too hot (and they have burned and all is lost. Dump oil into handy snowbank, rinse pan, and repeat at a lower temp. There's a lot of variance in barbecues). Assuming all looks well (chilis are bubbling, oil is hot), put the chicken in breast side down (upside-down). It should sizzle and pop a bit.

Go inside and do something like this: peel and roughly chop some garlic and stick it in a bowl. Pour some beer on it (half bottle or so.) put some brown sugar in there, some nice dark soya sauce, and maybe some hot sauce (if you're into that). Also (and this is the secret), add about half a cup of good sherry.

Your chicken will be needing to be flipped over about now. Grab some tongs, mitts, and optionally a helper. Chickens in boiling oil are very slippery. Flip it over and continue frying it. It needs perhaps half hour of high heat (covering with foil is nice too. makes it hotter).

Drink a beer.

Examine the chicken. It is probably looking nice and crispy by now. It is probably looking like it really wants a drink of that nice sauce you made inside. Turn the heat down to low and let it cool down for a couple of minutes with the lid open (don't want to burn all the garlic in the sauce). Drizzle the sauce over the chicken, cover, and ignore.

Drink about 3 beers.

After an hour has passed, (and you're getting very hungry), open up and examine once again. Put some of the tasty juice on top of the chicken, and maybe throw some white sesame seeds on top (I highly recommend this).

Start chopping veggies for a stirfry of your choice. Drink another beer or two.

At about two and a half hours from chicken cooking start, it will be getting nice and cooked (it should practically fall apart when you touch it). Now is the time to take it out of it's nice warm bath and stick it on a cutting board or similar flat surface. Turn off the barbecue and leave the chicken in there with the lid closed, so it can rest (important. makes it juicier) while you make the stirfry and the rice. Eat the wings when nobody is looking.

Once your stirfry is done and the rice is ready, carve up the chicken, put it on a big plate, sprinkle some white sesame seeds and drizzle some honey. Invite friends over. Dangle chicken in front of them. Make them promise to wash the dishes.

FEAST


Please be careful to not set yourself on fire. The oil will almost definitely vapourize and burn if it touches the flames. Boiling oil is not a toy. Don't stick your fingers in it.

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