Voted off the island this week: theFez.

Still left on the island:
jessicapierce, moJoe, dem bones, and Uberfetus.

Anonymous Pull Quote from remaining survivor:

"The first few days on the island, I gotta say that theFez was one of my favorite fellow Survivors. He and I were finding a lot of common ground: The love of Wesley Willis, the insanity, the whole liking to be happy thing... We were comfortable enough with each other to start hatching diabolical plots together, most of which involved sneaking booze and/or sluts onto the island. We even both agreed that, if we ran out of food, we should eat moJoe first. It was a very cooperative existence.

"As the days passed, however; it became clear that theFez's mind was beginning to deteriorate due to lack of access to his homemade mood-stabilizing substances. Early attempts to recreate his home lab on the island resulted in fiery failure. In time, we convinced him that he'd have to 'fly solo,' as some of those ingredients (Turpentine? Plutonium?) simply aren't available on an island.

"In this time of crisis, theFez, as always, turned to spirituality. I should probably point out that Fez's belief system is somewhat unorthodox. As time passed, his rituals, many of which included licking dem bones, became increasingly arcane and, at times, rather disturbing. While we were busy collecting food or maintaining our shelter, he kept wandering off into the jungle to meditate, explaining that this was, 'the most important work of all.' A few times, I even caught him ordering small animals to kill me. At night, he would stroll back down to the base to mooch food off of us and steal handfuls of my medication.

"I started paying closer attention to Fez, trying to figure out what was going on with his mental state. A few nights before Tribal Council, he showed up wearing some kind of makeshift cape. I noticed he had a dead bird tied to one of his arms. We decided to confront theFez about his lack of participation. His response?

"'The island thinks, the island knows! Don't think it doesn't know!
Hey, can I have some berries now?'

"Then he pulled down his pants and started singing the McDonald's $1,000,000 Menu Song.

"That's when I made up my mind that Fez had to go. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going on. Thefez had reinvented himself as a kind of tropical deity at one with the island itself; a sick kind of jungle philosopher of such extreme insanity and evil that he had to be stopped - at any cost. 'If you vote for me, my legions of spiders with human heads! will eviscerate you!' he yelled at the meeting. That was a chance I was willing to take.

"If you're hearing this, Fez, please don't be offended. If you had come through with the booze or sluts, I wouldn't have voted ya off."


Last Week. Next Week.

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