I went down to
St. Mary's Rummage sale today to by some
rummage, and they had a lot of rummage to sell as it was a rummage sale. Well,
I was minding my own business looking through the rummage, looking for some rummage to buy when I came upon a
trinket.
Now this trinket was small and trinket shaped and heavy for its size, but I liked the trinket, and it only cost 25¢. I decided I liked this trinket because it looked like a red VW microbus, so I had found myself a trinket to buy, and continued looking around for some rummage.
As I looked around the rummage sale for more rummage to buy, the trinket got a little heavy to just be carrying around like that and as the church didn't have shopping carts and I couldn't find the hand-baskets although I am sure they were around, I figured I could just put it in my pocket and take it back out when I went to leave.
So I slipped the trinket in my pocket intending to go look for more rummage and no sooner said than done that a Nun came up behind me and grabbed me by the arm in such a manner in which to inflict the most pain possible as she had done to hundreds of rowdy students each school year, and hauled me off to their security officer.
So this security officer is a big mean ugly dude with nightstick and gun and handcuffs of destruction. So he takes my trinket which I was going to buy away from me, and throws me in a small room that was once a water closet, and marked 'WC' on the door, but the 'C' had worn off, and is now just a small room marked 'W'.
So, I mean I am sitting on a bench. I'm sitting on a room 'W' bench, waiting for my opportunity to explain to the big mean ugly dude with nightstick and gun and handcuffs of destruction that I was going to pay for the trinket when I went to leave, and that it was too heavy to just carry around, and that there were no baskets or carts, and suddenly he says, "Kid! We don't like your kind. And we are going to haul you off to jail. What do you have to say NOW, KID?"
Well, I just sat there on the bench there, playing with some pencils, and he wants to haul me off to jail with all the Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! He wants to haul me off to jail and lock me up with all the father rapers and all kinds of mean ugly nasty things, so I look up at officer Obie and say, "I wanna kill". Well just then Obie slaps the cuffs on me and sends me down to the police station where a special police officer type shrink is waiting for me.
They took my fingerprints, and after being injected, inspected, detected, infected, and neglected I tell the shrink the whole story with four part harmony and feelin', and the shrink sends me on my way as they can only hold me for shoplifting if I had tried to leave the rummage sale.
So somewhere in St. Mary's Cathedral enshrined in some yellow folder, is a study in black and white of my fingerprints, and the only reason I'm telling you all this is you might be in a situation somewhat similar, and if you are in a situation somewhat similar to my own here is what you need to do:
Go down to your local rummage sale, find a trinket for 25¢, stick it in your pocket until you get caught. And when you do get caught, all you have to do it tell Officer Obie that you have not committed a crime until you try to leave, and there is nothing he can do about it.