If you Google "Squidward Tentacles", you will be led to many sites which feature short biographies on this person. Most describe him as "hateful", "grumpy" and "angry". So, who is Squidward, and why is he so hateful, grumpy and angry?
Quite simply, Squidward Johannsen Tentacles is a cartoon character voiced by Roger Bumpass, and has existed since the 1999 season debut of "Spongebob Squarepants", cartoon extraordinaire. He exists as the antithesis of the happy-go-lucky (and therefore, occasionally irritating) protagonist of the series, the eponymous Spongebob Squarepants himself. But don't be fooled by the name - Squidward is not a squid. He's an octopus. The squid/octopus debate amongst fans was finally settled by Spongebob creator Steven Hillenburg (on the "Sleepy Time" episode commentary on the series DVD "Tide and Seek") when he stated that Squidward was indeed an octopus (as suggested by his appearance), and even hypothesised that the fact that Squidward has only six appendages rather than eight was "...probably why he's angry."
That Squidward Tentacles is angry is a fairly well accepted fact, but this doesn't stop him from having a well-established internet fanlisting
")! Squidward is the voice of reason
in the Spongebob
cartoons, the dose of sarcasm
to off-set the ridiculously positive Spongebob. His frustrated yell of "SPONGEBOB!" in the direction of his neighbour's house happens regularly on the show, and often, Squidward is left wondering how he ended up with "...such loser neighbours." At times, the viewer feels his pain. It can't be easy living next to the oft-idiotic Spongebob, but doesn't Squidward ever have a good day? Is all this sarcasm really necessary? It's a hard call, but we love Squidward for the grumpy octopus that he is, despite his angriness, although others would describe him as having "...a dull, stuffy, boring personality, except in rare occasions where he completely loses his mind" (Spongebob Online
Who Lives in an Easter Island Head Under the Sea? Squidward Tentacles!
No, really. Squidward lives in an Easter Island Head, next to Spongebob's pineapple, on Conch St in Bikini Bottom. Despite the comforts of his two-story stone residence, Squidward isn't exactly happy with his lot in life: " I am going to move so far away that I will be able to brag about it. I would rather tear out my brain stem, carry it into the nearest four-way intersection and skip rope with it, than go on living where I do now." Having a neighbour like Spongebob is fairly trying for our octopus friend; indeed, he eventually decides to move to paradise, also known as "Tentacle Acres".
In Tentacle Acres, a town by octopi for octopi, Squidward finds perfection. Everybody plays the clarinet, makes sarcastic remarks, and enjoys interpretive dance. The shop even sells canned bread! However, too much perfection turns out to be a bad thing, with Squidward missing his irritating neighbours, and moving back to Bikini Bottom. His thoughts on Tentacle Acres? "This city needs to be destroyed! Or at least painted a different colour."
A virtual tour of Squidward's house is available here:
Alright, so he doesn't flip burgers (that's Spongebob's job). Squidward Tentacles is the cashier of the local fast-food outlet, the Krusty Krab, owned by Mr Krabs. His job is far from satisfying (does anything satisfy this octopus?): he hates his co-workers, his boss and his customers - in the words of nick.com, "Just about everything annoys him. The Krusty Krab annoys him. The customers annoy him. The boss annoys him. But most of all, SpongeBob annoys him--almost 24 hours a day." At times, his job just gets too much. Squidward once quit after Mr Krabs accused him of stealing a penny; he also once organised a failed strike against the Krusty Krab. He competes ceaselessly with Spongebob for the honour of "Employee of the Month". Even on his days off, Squidward can't help but think of work - he mopes about his house, stressing that Spongebob can't handle running the restaurant all by himself. Indeed, despite his love/hate relationship with the Krusty Krab, Squidward always wants more. He once boasted to his arch-rival, Squilliam, that he ran a five-star restaurant. Sure, Squidward. Suuuuuure.
Everything You Didn't Need to Know About Squidward, and Refuse to Ask:
- Squidward's main pet peeve is Spongebob Squarepants (and Patrick Star, by association).
- Squidward's interests include playing his clarinet terribly (it's called "Clarey", by the way), doing interpretive dance, marching bands, painting self-portraits, reading science magazines and taking long bubblebaths.
- Squidward wears bunny slippers.
- His main rival is Squilliam Fancyson, famed for his sucess in every endeavour and his unibrow.
- Rumours has surfaced of late that Squidward, along with other members of the Spongebob cast, is homosexual. People point to his love of bubblebaths, love of classical music, and naming his clarinet. These rumours are easy to dismiss, in my opinion.
- He can't eat certain foods: "That lemon has three seeds in it. That's an odd number! I can't eat anything odd numbered."
- Squidward's bumper sticker on his car says "Don't Ask Me About My Day".
- Squidward rides a bicycle. He also owns a boat.
- He also thinks that the Spongebobian sport of "Jellyfishing" is ridiculous. However, it turns out that when he time-travelled to the past, Squidward invented the sport!
- Squidward once convinced Spongebob and Patrick that he was a ghost.
- Graffiti on a Bikini Bottom dumpster says "Squidward smells".
- Squidward once taught art at the Bikini Bottom recreation centre.
- Squidward has been to both the future and the past; surprisingly, he chose to return to the present as he missed Spongebob!
- He was once scared out of his own home by Spongebob and Patrick: they snuck up, grabbed his paintbrush and drew a moustache on him. This caused him to believe that his house was haunted.
- Spongebob once used Squidward's clarinet to unclog his toilet.
- Squidward, in one episode, owned a purebred racing snail named "Snell". Snell fell in love with Spongebob's snail "Gary", causing a rock (entered into the race by Patrick) to win.
- Some characters have difficulty with Squidward's last name. It has been called "Tentpoles", "Tortellini" and "Tennisballs".
- Squidward once began a Bikini Bottom marching band to prove his worth to Squilliam.
- His clarinet-playing has been mistaken for the noise made by a dying animal, causing two veterinarians to visit.
- He has very little talent at origami.
- Squidward can't understand Christmas: "Why do you want to celebrate a day where some guy breaks into your house and leaves presents?!" he asks.
- He also once forced his way (literally) into Spongebob and Patrick's club.
- In a fit of pique, he also once attracted a nasty seabear to Spongebob and Patrick's campsite.
- The only evidence in any sort of Squidwardian sense of humour appears to be in band geek jokes.
Quotations of a Squidwardian Nature:
Spongebob: Look, Squidward, no-one's going to serve you happiness on a silver platter!
Squidward, yelling: There's no way I'm gonna sit out here all night with you two losers, so get used to it!
Spongebob: Okay. (Pause) HAVE FUN INSIDE!
Squidward: That's it, I'm in. I'll show you camping!
Spongebob: Now, wasn't that relaxing?
Squidward: No! this is relaxing. (plays clarinet poorly)
Spongebob: Oh no! I'll save you Squidward!
Squidward: Oww. My aching tentacles.
Squidward: Repeat after me. "I have no talent"
Spongebob: I have no talent.
Squidward: "Mr. Tentacles has all the talent".
Spongebob: Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.
Squidward: "If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Tentacles talent can rub off on me".
Spongebob: If I'm lucky, Mr. Talent can...rub...his tentacles on my...art... (smiles)
Squidward: . . . lest ye incur . . . THE WRATH OF SQUIDWARD!
Patrick: I think they have a cream for that.
Squidward: If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have, I'd have one dollar.
Squidward: Why must every ELEVEN minutes of my life be miserable?! (nb: the number 11 is not an arbitrary choice - it is a recurring theme in the series)
Squidward (after he dropped back into the time machine): I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I miss Bikini Bottom! I miss my Easter Island Head! I even miss SPONGEBOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Squidward: Hello, you have reached the house of unknown talent. Please begin after the (clarinet noise.)
Squidward: I've gotta drum up a band. Hehe band humour hehe.
(Squidward runs past Spongebob and Patrick)
Spongebob: Hey! That looked like Squidward!
(The rest of Tentacle Acres runs by Spongebob and Patrick)
Spongebob: Hey! That looked like Squidward also, in angry mob form!
Squidward: Stupid rental clerk made me late. He didn't know an oboe from an elbow. Heh more band humour hehe.
Squidward (attempting to pretend he hates Krabby Patties, in order to prove Spongebob wrong) : Why this Krabby Patty has to be the most (starts yelling) horrible, putrid, most disgusting excuse for a sandwich, it has ever been my displeasure to have slither down my throat, and I curse this patty, and all those who enjoy it, to an early, and well deserved grave!
Squidward: YES, SPONGEBOB!!! YES!!! I LOVE KRABBY PATTIES!!!!
Squidward: Spongebob, no matter what I've said, I've always sort of liked you.
Squidward: I always thought the most important rule was "Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?"
Squidward, yelling: I spent THE WHOLE DAY doing ridiculous things because YOU were supposed to explode.
Spongebob: You want me to explode?
Squidward: YES! THAT's what I've been waiting for.
Spongebob: Come on Squidward! What do ya got to lose?
Squidward: My self-respect... my sanity... my lunch.
Krabby Pattie Sources:
- My own wasted life. ^_^
Also to celebrate the USA release of Spongebob's new movie.