There are some people in this world that give really confusing and
esoteric advice, but you have to realize that almost all of it can be boiled down to the choice phrases your average
Magic 8-Ball uses to answer your questions.
I shall hereafter refer to the phrases a Magic 8-Ball uses as 8-Ball, as if it is its own language.
Once you come to this realization, however, don't start GIVING advice in 8-ball. Not only will you confuse and befuddle your friends, none of them will likely take you very seriously. (Think about it this way.. if your friends only said 20 different things when you were pouring your heart to them about hundreds of different problems over the years, you'd think they were putzes too)
So, English to 8-Ball is a valid translation, and I think we should code some babelfish action for such a feat, but trying to use 8-Ball as your vocabulary doesn't work so well. Let's look at some examples:
Advice Request: "Mom, I think my girlfriend is pregnant.."
English Response: "How did that happen?"
8-Ball Response: "Reply hazy, try again"
Advice Request: "Doc, is he going to be okay?"
English Response: "Well, he's doing well so far.. now we just have to wait and see..."
8-Ball Response: "Better not tell you now"
Advice Request: "Am I going to lose my job?"
English Response: "Just keep us abreast of your status in the future and there shouldn't be any problems."
8-Ball Response: "Don't count on it"
Advice Request: "Am I going to get this hot date I really want?"
English Response: "Don't give up hope yet, I think you two would make a really sweet couple!"
8-Ball Response: "Outlook not so good"