Hiding in a Winter Blunder Land
Found hiding in a crevasse near Mount McKinley was a slightly gaunt and ruffled white-bearded man known world-wide as Santa Claus, alias Saint Nicholas or Nick, and Kris Kringle. His portly 350 pounds was now merely a husky 225, and his big black belt hung limply by his loosely flapping red coat.
No Wonder His Belly was Bloated
On his person, besides the ubiquitous pipe, was a huge sum of money, who, after first not answering any questions due to some disorientation, and singing "Blue Christmas," finally became quite loquacious insisting that the money was for buying all the boys and girls of the world presents.
He was staying nearby at one of his retired elve's chalets, but when he heard the combined forces of the Alaskan Highway Police and the Royal Canadian Mounties, fled into his icy underground hiding place. Found nearby was the sleigh and reindeer, the reason for the warrant for his arrest.
Justice League for Rudolf
Radicals for the Overprotection of Domesticated Wild Animals, (RODWA) filed a lawsuit, and the court awarded the enforcement authorities the paper to bring the jolly fat man in. His second in command, known as Frosty the Snowman, is still at large (though not as large as Santa.) In the artic zone he will almost be impossible to spot from the Eschelon satellite. Suzy Snowflake was captured weeks ago.
The big question now, is what will this mean for Christmas? The World Council of Secularized Religious Holidays will meet to decide soon. Meanwhile the Ebenezer Scrooges of the world will rejoice.