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So couch, I hear you've been sleeping with her
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Mon Mar 20 2006 at 4:09:28
Tonight the bed is cold because it is just me in it and my body heat by itself is not sufficient to heat this blanket up like the oven that she is able to make it.
The moonlight is dripping down through
tree branches
and in through my window and here is where I expect to trace the light and find her head on the pillow. I do not set my expectations high so when they do not pan out I am not upset. Tonight I am upset anyway.
I am half distraught because I remember the last time this happened; the last time I was left shivering under sheets. When she did not sleep next to me for a week and I was distraught, could not sleep.
I sleep horribly with
another body
but it is a nice thought to think she will be there if I wake up in a cold sweat nightmare. It is a nice idea to
wish for someone
to take care of me in the dark.
Tonight she is not sad or angry but her heart is not all here.
She said
she wanted quiet, which really means she did not want me there, so I went out for cigarettes. I did not know how long I had been gone but when I got home she was sleeping soundly already.
Sprawled out, every lap pillow stuffed under her head, hoarded, the throw blanket solely on her. As if to say, you do not get a piece of this tonight, this couch is
not big enough for the two of us. Not welcome.
She will chalk it up in the morning nonchalantly, she will say, I fell asleep watching tv (I will not tell her I know the tv was not on.) And tomorrow night she will fall asleep there while reading a book. Maybe the next she will be honest, I slept here for space.
Kate and I have our own strange affairs. Do not cheat on each other with another but instead with ourselves. Disappear out of bed for nights on end just to be by ourselves. We both know we do this but
will not be honest
, why do we do this?
Tonight
bed is jealous of couch
and I am jealous of whatever thought it is that has kept her by herself. An owl hoots out side my window in the middle of the night and I wish she were next to me to hear it.
printable version
chaos
couch with Anna
Even though I sleep terribly with another body in the bed
if you weren't real I would make you up
Think of us as a lost
I'm so goddamned cruel to you. But you'll never know
A secret sometimes already warm bed to call home
In bed feigning sleep
I did not tell him, instead I kept it private like a secret hug
All In Your Hands
Love poem from the monsters under my bed
it never thunders here i am jealous
She writes notes to me, to keep me in check
Cold, no blankets, watching the sun come up for air
Two voices are there: one is of the deep;
Questions I Ask Myself At Night In Bed
The Eyeopener
The bastard on the couch
For Sale. Alarm Clock. Rarely Used.
The problem with messages on girls' t-shirts and a possible solution
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System Shock 2
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife
A Story about Glittering Furniture
I would like to sit in a coffee shop with a notebook, two pens, a carton of cigarettes, and you
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