The X-files
Small Potatoes
Episode: 4X20
First aired:4/20/97
Written by:Vince Gilligan
Directed by:Clifford Bole
This is a hilarious episode, one of the best.
Doctors in Martinsburg,
West Virginia, attend to a
woman, Amanda Nelligan, as she
goes into labor. When a nurse asks about the baby's father, Amanda tells her that the
child's father is from
another planet. When the baby is delivered, those in attendance
gasp in horror when they see that the crying newborn has a four-inch
tail.
Word of the strange birth is spread by
newspaper tabloids, and
Mulder and Scully travel
to Martinsburg to investigate. During the drive,
Mulder notes that five babies were born
with
vestigial tails over the course of three months -- all within a city of less than 15,000
people.
Scully hypothesizes that the
abnormalities may be attributable to ground water
contamination or prescription
drug interaction.
At the
hospital, Amanda, a
Star Wars fan, tells the agents the baby's father is
Luke
Skywalker. She recounts the tale of how Luke Skywalker came to her home and
romanced her. With the assistance of a
Health Department doctor, Scully determines
that each of the five children born with tails share the same father. Mulder notes that all
five women also shared the same
fertility specialist, Dr. Alton Pugh.
When the agents arrive at Pugh's office, they discover several
angry couples confronting
the doctor about the births. As Mulder looks around the doctor's office, he encounters a
janitor, Eddie Van Blundht, fixing a
leaky sink inside an exam room and notices above
his sagging pants a feint, roughly
triangular scar at the base of the
man's spine. Eddie
tries to run, but is quickly apprehended and taken into
custody. All of the women
present swear that the only person they have had sex with has been their husbands.
Later, a
paternity test reveals that Eddie is the father of all five children. Scully
hypothesizes that he may have used the
tranquilizer Rohypnol to incapacitate his
victims. Eddie, a homely man, responds
defensively at the inference that the only
reason a woman would have sex with him is if she was coerced.
While a sheriff's deputy is filling out his
arrest record, Eddie suddenly changes form,
metamorphosing into an exact
duplicate of the deputy. Eddie strikes the astonished
deputy on the head and makes his
getaway. After questioning the deputy, Mulder
concludes that Eddie
impregnated four of the five women by making himself look like
their husbands. The fifth woman, Amanda, was tricked into believing she was making
love to Luke
Skywalker.
The agents travel to the Van Blundht
residence, where they meet Edward Sr. He claims
he once performed as "
Eddie the Monkey Man" and still has his tail intact. As they talk to
him they realize the old man is, in fact, Eddie Jr. in a different form. Eddie
suddenly
runs out of the house and disappears into the
neighborhood. After searching the house
they discover the
mummified body of the real Edward Sr. inside the attic. Scully's
autopsy reveals an
anomalous muscular structure beneath the surface of the corpse's
skin. Essentially the man's skin was also a
muscle. Mulder speculates that if Eddie
inherited this same trait, it would explain his ability to change form. Meanwhile, Eddie
metamorphoses once again -- this time into a duplicate Mulder. The real Mulder tracks
him to a locker room at the hospital where Amanda Nelligan is staying. Suddenly, Eddie
bursts through the
ceiling, knocking him to the ground. He ties up the real Mulder and
locks him inside the hospital's
boiler room.
Pretending to be Mulder, Eddie returns to
Washington with Scully, files a report with
Assistant Director Skinner and closes the case. Later, the fake Mulder shows up at
Scully's
apartment with a
bottle of wine. After spending the evening having
relaxing
conversation and relating in a personal rather than
professional manner, Scully tells the
fake Mulder, "I really feel like I'm seeing a different side of you
tonight." The fake
Mulder leans in close, and prepares to give her a kiss. Just as their lips are about to
meet, the real Mulder kicks in the
front door and interrupts them. Eddie slumps back on
the couch, thwarted, and transforms back to his normal appearance and is taken into
custody.
Important Quotes:
Mulder -- "Take your best shot,
Scully. But I
think there's a lot more going on here than
Luke
Skywalker and his light sabre."
Scully -- "I think you're right, Mulder."
Mulder -- "How would this happen?"
Scully -- "
Birds and the bees and the monkey
babies, Mulder."
Mulder -- "Birds do it, bees do it, even
educated
MDs do it."
Mulder -- "Well, if you're waiting for my
usual
theory as to what's going on, I don't have it."
Mulder -- "Have a
theory, if you want to hear
it."
Scully -- "Van Blundth somehow
physically
transformed into his captor then walked out
the door leaving no one the wiser?"
Mulder -- "Scully, should we be picking out
china patterns or what?!"
Mulder -- "Hey
Scully. If you could be
somebody else for a say who would it be?"
Scully -- "
Hopefully myself."
Mulder -- "That's so . . . boring."
Scully -- "All right then,
Eleanor Roosevelt."
Mulder -- "Aiee! Can't be a
dead person."
Scully -- "Why the hell not?"
Mulder -- "
Because."
Mulder -- "I was just here. Where did I go?"
Skinner -- "You spelled
Federal Bureau of Intelligence wrong."
"Mulder" -- "It's a typo."
Skinner -- "Twice."
"Mulder" -- "
FBI. F . . B . .
I . . (notices badge is upside down and
rights it) FBI. You lookin' at me? (Looks
around) There ain't nobody else here, you
must be lookin' at me. (Reveals gun) You
want a piece of this? (
Draws gun and
drops clip on floor. Picks it up, tries to
insert backwards then gets it right. Puts
gun back in holster and straightens
himself out)
You're a damn good lookin'
man."
Scully -- "I don't imagine you need to be told
this, Mulder. But you're not a loser."
Mulder -- "Yeah, but I'm no Eddie Van Blundth
either. Am I?"
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