With anything more than a NERF or spud gun is just unsportsmanlike. The poor animal doesn’t stand a chance. Besides, you can’t stick an elephant on the back of your car to take home after a hard days hunting, so what’s the point? You can’t even keep the ivory. So your beloved idea of crafting the perfect chess set will be lost forever. Which is a shame, I know. However the elephant gets to live, and it’s the little things that matter really isn’t it?
If you are insistent on hunting an elephant however, I would say going for the NERF gun instead of the spud gun is probably your best plan. Spud guns have a typically pitiful range, and might just end up with you being trampled by an elephant, which I’m sure that you don’t want happening to you. Elephants are quite heavy these days and, although you may be quite large yourself sir, I doubt that you are bigger than an elephant. Plus elephants really really hate potatoes. To such a degree that if you do manage to spud an elephant they’ll go and get their friends on you. And if you thought fighting one elephant was a bad idea, you’ve obviously never tried to fight off a herd of elephants.
The sheer range of NERF guns is incredible and I’m more than sure that you’ll be able to find exactly the right NERF gun for shooting an elephant. Make sure that you don’t get bogged down in the smaller details of NERF guns, just go for the biggest bastard that you can afford and work from there. Of course if you don’t want to go for a NERF soft gun, you’ve always got the choice of the super soaker. Which not only gives you the satisfaction of shooting an elephant but also gives the elephant the satisfaction of having a quick wash. Personally I’d stick with one of the NERF machine guns. For the sheer amazement that I can only imagine happens when a ranger see’s you shooting a full grown elephant with a NERF machine gun. Just remember to always bring enough ammo, you don’t want to look stupid now do you?
In conclusion I must insist that you don’t actually go and shoot an elephant for any reason. It’s just a bit silly really isn’t it? Especially if the nearest elephant to you is in a zoo, then it’s just easy pickings and should be left alone. Feel free to shoot the elephant in the room though. I hear that he’s always fair game. You’re going to have to make sure he’s there though. Tricky bugger that elephant in the room. You might need explosives. And I don’t think NERF make them.