Ludwina the Woman
right before she left
let me use my skills as a pastry maker
to shape a Ludwina of my own
a tiny Ludwina the Fairy
which I would keep
instead of Ludwina the Woman
(she did not know,
I made her in countless evenings while
memorizing her sleeping hips
or her eyelashes dripping after
a shower)

Ludwina the Fairy was disruptive at first
she would flutter underneath my ears at the most
inappropriate hours or she would
hang on tight to my hair and
I would shake-shake-shake her off
but she would hang on tight and cry
until I did too

so after a day or two of not looking at her
in the little fairy eyes
she thought she became invisible
or dead
and spent most of the day
sleeping in my shirt pocket

her shape resting on my heart – I
wondered if she got hurt when I thought
of her little smiling fairy blonde eyes and
the beats that fed the veins, the blood
going through those thoughts
the beats that could deafen a trombone
ripping my chest open
that beat right beneath her

I must've slipped
from Ludwina the Woman's mind
because Ludwina the Fairy would breathe
less and less
as the time went by

now I suspect she is still there but
stirring less

I don't think I have the heart to check

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