The following message popped out of the Time Machine Toilet.
Being a vampire is still sort of cool, it's my 1000th anniversary of becomming a minion of the undead today.

Well, it was a lot cooler back in the 26th century and before, when we didn't have blood substitutes and vampires weren't considered equals to humans in the eyes of any lawmakers. Back when we were badasses. When it was US against THEM. But then everyone wanted to be a vampire. Everyone wanted to be diffrent like us. But now everyone is diffrent, which means we're all the same. Wow, i've been a noder for a thousand years.

You know, looking back on it all, i'm starting to regret all of this equality nonsense. Now it doesn't matter whether you're alive or not. It's all about how much money you have.

Well, heres to 1000 years of darkness and despair. It seems like only yesterday I was bitching about high school. In fact, it was only about 365,000 days ago. Thats only about 8,760,000 hours. Thats NOTHING. I take six years to return a phone call. That means it was still only about a million days ago when Rome ruled the world. Ah, the good old days.

Still, maybe we should have thought a little longer about the decisions we've made in society.

The ressurection of Hitler to execute him, then the pardoning of him by european politicians because they opposed the death penalty, for instance. This was a mistake. Sure, he wrote some cool books after he got free, but having to fight World wars five and Six was a real pain in the ass.

The nano-removal of melatonin producers from our bodies which makes us immune to sunlight, vampires I mean. It still makes me wonder what the hell the point is when I have almost nothing to fear.

I guess i'm just a luddite.

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