If you look up
surreal in the
dictionary, and you live in a really
fun universe, the dictionary begins to slowly turn into an
artichoke and a flock of
penguins come and take it from you. If you look up surreal in
this universe's dictionary, you don't find a little picture of Scud: The Disposable Assassin beside it, but that would be appropriate, because the
book is quite surreal. Its catch-phrase, in fact, is "Surreality just got funky." Any comic that prefaces the main storyline with a list of suggested voice
actors for each character (including
John Malkovich for Scud) is definitely stepping
off the beaten path and into that thicket full of creepy blinking eyes over there.
Scud is a shiny yellow
robot marked with a sticker that reads:
ATTENTION!
Scud Disposable Robot Assassin:
Heart Breaker Series 1373
THIS UNIT WILL SELF-DESTRUCT UPON TERMINATION OF TARGET
He is originally programmed to kill a creature from your worst
pipe dream,
Jeff. Jeff is a big scary monster that only speaks in "
samples" from pop culture
TV shows,
movies, and
songs with an electrical plug for a head, mouths on its knees, hands for feet, and a
squid strapped to its chest. Jeff is also female, which explains her constant ill temper -- wouldn't you be monstrous if your name didn't match your gender?
When Scud discovers that he is
programmed to self-destruct after killing Jeff, he can't complete his
suicide mission. Instead he maims the beast and tries to earn the
money for her hospital bills by working as a
freelance assassin. This new profession leads to many adventures:
- Scud acquires a werewolf "loaner" arm while his robotic arm is in the shop. Eventually we meet the werewolf whence it came.
- A cult of "Grittites" who worship Hank Gritt Cowburgers, manliness, and unnecessary explosions hire Scud for a job and assimilate him into their group.
- An evil, undead Benjamin Franklin and an army of zombie dinosaurs go up against Scud and friends.
- Scud competes in the Mr. Tough Guy 2025 challenge.
Other characters in the comic include a funny blue guy named
Drywall who is full of zippered compartments that lead to another dimension (he later gets his own series, The Drywall and Oswald Show), a group of mobsters, several other brands of Scud robot, a babe named Sussudio, and various creatures made up of giraffe parts and oddly assembled household objects.
The comics were created by
Rob Schrab (also creator of
La Cosa Nostroid, which revolves around characters from the Scud universe), co-written by Dan Harmon and Mondy Carter, and published by
Fireman Press.
Anthologized trade paperbacks (which come with cool "You're my bitch now"
temporary tattoos and the like!) and other merchandise are available at http://www.scud.com. The books include:
- Heavy 3PO: Scud Issues 1-4. Contains the line, "I'm Jesus with a laser gun, and you're all going to hell!"
- Programmed For Damage: Issues 5-9. "He who is unique and ununderstandable is a roomate to Satan and shall die by the hands of God's peoples."
- Solid Gold: Issues 10-15. A sentient black hole prepares to eat the Earth, threatening, "Meat of Earth, face your doom! I am the bringer of the apocalypse! I shall demonstrate my insatiable appetite with your sister planet, Venus!" much to the horror of the Venus Fan Club.
- The Yellow Horseman: Issues 15-20. (I don't have this one yet! /msg me if you do.)