The history channel makes Satan seem so interesting, but I bet he's actually really boring in person. Well, there's that time when he made a bunch of pigs run off a cliff – that was amusing (In a morbid way, of course. Please don't douse me in red paint, PETA. I don't like that. It's hard to wash off.), but other than that... He just doesn't have much to offer, even in a platonic relationship.
The history channel also makes him look ugly, but I'm afraid that's not the case, either. Don't they know that evil can come with beauty? I'm sure Satan would be considered a fairly attractive fellow, and that I would be attracted to his looks if I were gay. After all, he's had quite a long time to polish his appearance while keeping up-to-date with the latest fashion trends. Hell, being the hipster that he is, he's probably been starting the latest fashion trends. I, for one, wouldn't be surprised. It's a shame that such an influential historical figure is so inaccurately portrayed by the media.
Inspired by the song Satan Is Boring by Sonic Youth