Signature files.
Everyone wants to have the funniest one.
Some of My favorites:

A non-smoking section in a restauraunt is like a non-peeing section in a pool.

To err is human, to moo bovine!

What goes up, must come down. Just ask any Sysadmin.
SIGs are an phenomenon which came into early popularity with the advent of email and various discussion group functions available on the internet.

Designed to give a spark of extra insight into the nature and character of the individual writing, interesting SIGs have been created in the thousands. In an effort to preserve some of them, I spent a couple of years clipping them as they popped up. . .

The list follows. . .

If the marauding forces came today, how hard would you fight?

The only difference between advertising and insurance is that insurance is less expensive.

How can we expect people to use pipe bombs if we don't show how they're made?

Anarchy is nessecary when Order threatens Life. And vice versa.

Hitting the 'Mute' button during ads only remindes me that I'm staring at a flickering CRT in a dark room filled with pasty people.

"Let's see what the Tweedlebugs are doing today!" --Ernie.

--What if 'The Matrix,' was a piece of propaganda designed to make people fear enlightenment?

Watching third world nations blast each other with outdated WWII ordinance makes war appear as retarded as it actually is.

If I had a dollar for every time I had a dollar, I'd have all the dollars.

"Argh! Somebody put shit in my pants!" -JTHM

"The more you tighten your grip, the more star systems will slip through your fingers." --Princess Leia Organa.

When people are this embittered by the happiness of others, it means something is wrong.

We are pack animals building for ourselves a society better suited for hive insects.

Anybody who can't clearly explain how the basic levels of government work should not be allowed to vote.

"If the heads of government didn't hang together, they'd hang one at a time." --Yes, Minister.

Sadly, when all the shouting subsided, it turned out that most people really were only good for building pyramids.

If people would just stop having sex, we wouldn't need all this nerve gas!

Action alone does not an action movie make!

Eat a hamburger, kill a tree!

A samarai knows his worth.

"Working here is like shitting bricks. The pay is great, but even gold bricks hurt."

Corporate money buys the body, but rots the soul.

Creative Geniuses are rare as hell. I may not be one, but I know crap when I see it!

"I may not know anything about art, but I know what I like." --The valid statement most despised by elitists.

Insanity is only a point of view.

In galactic terms, Fossil Fuel is likely more rare than gold.

Wow. I just realized. Video games are bad for you!

Another Hope, victim of a Dream, Another Truth, installed by the Machine. A secret Wish, a marrying of Lies, Today makes True, what Common Sense denies. --P Machinery, Propaganda

These are dangerous days. To say what you think is to dig your own grave.

Gentlemen, we have the technology to rebuild this man, but we can make more money by doing a half-assed job while hitting him with an endless stream of service charges and repair fees. It's the American Way!

"And eighth--but that's enough. All those on one side. Maybe some of them are unimportant. I won't argue about that. But look at the number of them. Now on the other side we've got what? All we've got is the fact that maybe you love me and maybe I love you."
"You know," she whispered, "whether you do or not."
--The Maltese Falcon

Q: What do you think about American Culture? A: I think it's a good idea. (adapted from Ghandi)

-- The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill them.

Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced the discovery of a superconductor which operates without requiring cooling apparatus.

If you are going to lead the orchestra, you have to turn your back to the crowd.

In the amount of time it took you to read this, Voyager I has travelled approximately 130 KM

"It's like reality has passed you by; you bought a ticket somewhere else." -The Plaid Tongued Devils

Can't sleep...Clown will eat me...

To forgive and accept injustice is cowardice. -Ghandi

Poverty is but the worst form of violence. -Ghandi

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a stick.

The New World Order is upon us, and it's about damned time.

Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss put in an honest day's work.

It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.

Going on means going far Going far means returning

Give a man fire, he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

An image had better be worth a 1000 words-- it takes longer to download.

If you can read this I forgot to add my .sig

I'm a 21st century digital boy. I don't know how to read, but I got a lot of toys. - Bad Religion

"Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie." - --Dennis Miller

A wise man speaks because he has something to say. A foolish man speaks because he has to say something. --Plato

"A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions." Proverbs 18 : 2

If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. --Abraham Howard Maslow

Men argue, nature acts. --Voltaire

Be ot or bot ne ot, that is the nestquoi.

Programming, is like sex. Make one mistake, and you support it for the rest of your life.

How many lightbulbs does it take to change a person?

The cruelest lies are often told without a word, the kindest truths are often spoke but never heard.

"There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path."

"Free your mind and your ass will follow" -- George Clinton

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. - Benjamin Franklin

"You speak of necessary evil? One of those necessities is that if innocents must suffer, the guilty must suffer more." -- Mackenzie Calhoun

"Denial ain't a river in Egypt." --Mark Twain

"The pyramid is opening!" "Which one?" "The one with the ever-widening hole in it!" - Firesign Theatre

Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are made stupid by education. --Bertrand Russell

I'm not monotheist; It's obvious the world was designed by committee.

When your nose runs.... Don't think it's funny, 'cause it's Snot

You must be the change you wish to see in the world. -Gandhi

This ad space for sale! Contact the author for current rates.

"Logic . . . merely enables one to be wrong with authority" --Doctor Who

"Any sufficiantly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" -Arthur C. Clarke

--The basis of all love is respect

Am I the only person who thinks Freud had issues with his mother?

I may be lying in the gutter, but I'm looking up at the stars. -Oscar Wilde

"Those who would give up essential Liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Ben Franklin, 1755

"That which we win cheaply, we esteem lightly." - Thomas Paine

Sig (appended to the end of comments you post, 120 chars)

"Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated" ...George Bernard Shaw

"Though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea." -LZ

Idiot proofing only allows idiots to be dumber.

Go fast, turn left.

Curiosity may have killed the cat. But lack of it, is killing mankind.

Now weary traveller, rest your head. For just like me, you are now dead.

"Life is short and in most cases it ends with death." Sir Sinclair

-- Ed Bugg --You have freedom of choice, but not of consequences.--

Hook, line, sinker, fishing pole, yacht, harbor.....

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed ... oh, wait a minute -- he does.

"Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes. Always." - Mahatma Gandhi

-- And remember kids, crack doesn't smoke itself!!!

"If you are falling, dive." -Joseph Campbell

"He hit the ground like a hefty bag of spaghetti sauce"

NOTE: By reading this post, you have agreed to run around the room which you are currently in, flapping your arms, sqawking like a chicken.

It is always an error to underestimate someone. But overestimating them is just as dangerous.

"Only two things are infinite: The universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the former." --Albert Einstein

Television is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well-done.

Theater is life, cinema is art, television is furniture.

"I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts." -- Orson Welles

"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this post are not necessarily mine, as I've not yet had my medication today.

"I'll rise and fall, let me take credit for both."

Lotteries are a tax on people who suck at math.

"I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." -Richard Feynman

"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

"The rain in Spain falls mainly on the Spaniards."

"One World, one Web, one Program" - Microsoft promotional ad "Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Fuhrer" - Adolf Hitler

The irony of the Information Age is that it has given new respectability to uninformed opinion.

Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.

"The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws." - Tacitus

He was a brave man who first ate an oyster.

This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.

Better, Faster, Cheaper: Pick any two.

"Do or do not. There is no try." Yoda, Jedi Muppet

"Most of the carbon in our bodies came from outside the solar system. We're all aliens." T.Bunch-NASA

"For a list of the ways which technology has failed to improve our quality of life, press 3."

Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump!Meow!Thump! "You're right! There isn't enough room to swing a cat in here!"

Someone had to put all that chaos there!

Never assume malice where incompetence suffices.

"I think there is a world market for, maybe, five computers." __ IBM Chairman, 1943 __

What you do today will cost you a day of your life.

"the difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad" -Salvadore Dali

It's not funny till someone gets hurt.

Before you go out and change the world, you have to ask yourself, "What do you really want?".

Disclaimer: I'm not as smart as I think I am.

We cannot reason ourselves out of our basic irrationality. All we can do is learn the art of being irrational in a reasonable way. - Huxley

90% of the people in the world are idiots. Everybody knows this, and thinks they are part of the other 10%.

Plagiarism is necessary. Progress demands it.

To steal from one is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

No sig to see here. Move along, citizen.

"I believe that the cult of the particular brings only death - for it bases order on likeness." Antoine de St.-Exupéry

"I'm sick of limiting myself to be of your definition..."

"As soon as men decide that all means are permitted to fight an evil, then their good becomes indistinguishable from the evil they set out to destroy."

"I opened my eyes, and everything went dark again.

"Never let your conscience trick you into owning up to the truth when there's still some chance somebody might believe the lie." -- Charles Noblett

"Merely having an open mind is nothing; the object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid." G.K. Chesterton

Man's unique agony as a species consists in his perpetual conflict between the desire to stand out and the need to blend in. -- Sydney J. Harris

"Hey.., don't be mean." --Buckaroo Banzai

"I will take the Ring," he said, "though I do not know the way."

Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves. -George Gordon Noel Byron (1788-1824), Lord Byron

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

"If one is really a superior person, the fact is likely to leak out without too much assistance" -- John Andrew Holmes

The bad do bad because the bad is rewarded. The good do good because the good is rewarded. - B.F. Skinner

Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue.

"...Apart from the unknowns, everything is obvious." -James P. Hogan

"A rich man is one with knowledge, happiness, and his health"

nuclear cia fbi spy password code encrypt president bomb Echelon must die.

What's the point of killing someone if you can't eat them too?

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

Accept risk. Accept responsibility. Put a lawyer out of business.

"Standing up to an evil system is exhilarating." -- RMS

Now, I think it would be GOOD to buy FIVE or SIX STUDEBAKERS and CRUISE for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!! -- Zippy the Pinhead

"All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind." --Aristotle (Carson's addition: "Thanks Aristotle! Here's a penny for your thoughts!")

Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking. -- H. L. Mencken

"Beware by whom you are called sane." --Walter Anderson

"The easiest way to get shot is to carry a gun." -- Atticus Finch

Build a better mouse trap... and you'll be sued by someone who patented mouse trapping devices in 1993.

'Save keys to open doors.' - From the book of Videogame Koans.

-- Life is short. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. ~ Robert Doisneau

All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion...

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. -- Bertrand Russell

Earthlings and their decimal system.... sheesh!

The Internet interprets advertising as damage and routes around it.

-- Soon we'll be out, amongst the hard world's strife. Soon we'll be sliding down the razorblade of life... Tom Lehrer

"To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods." -LL

Sleep, Friends, Work - Choose two --Student from MIT

Go with your gut; it's right between your heart and your balls.

"We have guided missile but misguided men." --Martin Luthor King

"Be incomprehensible. If they can't understand, they can't disagree"

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