So we're LIVE (well, for me 3 hours later since I got the encore) from mah hometown, New York City. Madison Square Garden, in fact! Only thing I don't like about this place is the entranceway...it's about 5 feet long, way too short for any sort of good entrance. Crowd can't really see you until you're practically in the ring. But ANYWAY, your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler...and away we go!
 

Match 1: Kurt Angle vs. Mystery Opponent Soon To Be Named TazzAngle comes out, gets on the mic, and does his "<insert city here>, I can be your hero!" schtick that he frequently did in his early WWF days. Then...Tazz comes out and makes his WWF debut. Looks like all nicknames are intact, as JR refers to him as the Human Suplex Machine. Guess what? Tazz utterly destroys Angle with--get this--suplexes before hitting the Tazzmission. Angle passes out, and the ref stops the match and awards the victory to Tazz. So much for that undefeated streak, bub.

Rating: 5/10
 

Match 2: The Dudley Boyz vs. The Hardy Boyz w/Terri in a Tag Team Table Match.  Okay, here it is: The winner is the team to put both of their opponents through tables by using offensive moves. So, if I go for a splash on dem bones and he moves out of the way, I don't lose and can try to kick his ass some more. There are about ten tables scattered around the ringside area. Lots of reversals early on to prevent anyone from going through a table. First "fall" comes when Buh Buh is prone on a table near a corner, and Matt (from a ladder) and Jeff (from the top rope) both smack him through the table simultaneously. Second "fall" comes when the Dudleys set up two sets of the ring steps inside the ring and then put a table on top of it...and then powerbomb Matt through the contraption. Third "fall" comes when D-Von is lying prone on top of two tables near the entranceway and Jeff jumps off the top of the entrance tunnel (if you know MSG, you know where I'm talking about), executing a super-senton bomb on D-Von and ending the match.

Rating: 6/10
 

Backstage shots of Kurt Angle being tended to by EMTs. The EMT tells him he was choked unconcious, and Angle whines that if he was choked out, he must still be undefeated. The EMT just repeats his line because he doesn't know what else to do.
 

"Match" 3: Miss Royal Rumble 2000 Swimsuit Competition.  JR notes that the first-ever Miss Royal Rumble 2000 will be determined here, showing that he's an idiot for not realizing this will be the only Miss Royal Rumble 2000. Boy, JR, you've really gone downhill. Anyway, the participants are Ivory, Jackie, BB, Luna, Terri, and Miss Kunty--errr, The Kat. Your special judges are Sgt. Slaughter, Jimmy V, Moolah, Classy Fredie Blassie, and Andy Richter. Your host for tonight's festivities is Jerry Lawler. The six participants basically strip down to their swimsuits and strut around for a minute or so while everyone drools. Just as Kitty (who was wearing bubble wrap instead of a real suit) finishes...Mae Young comes out and says she's going to be in the competition as well. She strips down to her swimsuit...and then takes off her top. You don't see anything initially, as a big "CENSORED!" logo comes up and blocks out the middle portion of the screen. Mark Henry comes in and tries to cover her up, but she struggles to get loose...and NOW we see Mae Young's breasts. Well, if you tuned in to get boobies, you got them. And now you're scarred for life. And oh yeah, Mae is announced as the winner.
 

Match 4: Hardcore Holly vs. Chyna vs. Chris Jericho for the WWF Intercontinental Championship.  All three participants are over, whoda thunk it a year and a half ago (1998)? Holly gets cheap heat by pushing Chyna down by the head right off the bat. Slapfest for a minute before wrestling breaks out. Good, if unspectacular, match. Endgame: Jericho tries for a superplex on Holly, but Chyna hits the ropes and both men get crotched. Chyna now hits a superplex on Holly, but good ol' Bob manages to turn it into a rollup for two. (I got nervous for a minute due to the shades of Savage vs. Dynamite Kid from the Rosemont Horizon circa 1986 which had the same exact ending.) Anyway, Chyna grabs a chair and smacks Holly and puts him in a sloppy Boston Crab. Jericho slides in and bulldogs her off, then hits the Lionsault for a three count. Jericho is the new...or old...or whatever WWF Intercontinental Champion. And can we PRAY that the Chyna/Jericho feud is FINALLY over??

Rating: 6/10
 

Michael Cole interviews The Rock, who cuts a HILARIOUS promo. The gist: The Rock thinks he has a chance of winning the Rumble--maybe--if he can get past Crash Holly and Headbanger Mosh. Oh, and Michael Cole should be worrying about making himself a big glass of "Shut Up" Juice.
 

Match 5: The New Age Outlaws vs. The Acolytes for the WWF Tag Team Championship Acolytes beat up NAO for oh, about TWO MINUTES before X-Pac runs in and distracts the Acolytes long enough for Gunn to hit the Famasser on Bradshaw and retain the tag titles. Why even bother? All logic pointed to the Acolytes going over here, but what do I know.

Rating: 1.5/10. And into every show a little crap must fall.
 

Match 6: Cactus Jack vs. HHH in a Street Fight for the WWF Championship.  And away we go. Some token wrestling early on before we get down to business. They trade a couple of chair shots before brawling into the entranceway. Cactus puts down some wooden crate-thingees and backdrops HHH onto them. Trash can is used sparingly until they finally return to the ring...and Cactus pulls out a 2x4 covered in barbed wire out from under the ring. Ding Ding Ding. HHH gets it after a low blow and whacks Cactus a few times in the stomach and back. The ref gets rid of it, but Cactus recovers after a double-arm DDT and retrieves it from one of the dudes at the Spanish Announcers Table. Cactus hits HHH in the head with it! HHH does a primo blade job here and is at 0.8 Muta two minutes later. HHH just brutally assaults Foley's legs, ramming them into the ringside steps several times via hiptosses and whips. Oh boy, here come the handcuffs. This is eerily familiar. Cactus manages to control for a bit despite being handcuffs via drop toe holds and headbutts to the crotch, but HHH eventually regains control. CUE THE CHAIR SHOTS! Cactus heads for cover, more or less, to the entranceway. They start yelling each other for a minute...until The Rock comes out from the back and chairshots HHH and quickly heads back to the locker room. Some policeman unlocks Cactus and retreats backstage. This crowd is HOT right about now. Cactus heads back to the ring, lifts up the apron...CUE THE THUMBTACKS! He spreads 'em out real nice across the ring. Stephanie comes out and yells at the ref to stop it, but to no avail. Cactus gets backdropped onto the tacks and then Pedigreed for a TWO count as the crowd goes NUTS. HHH looks PISSED. He picks Cactus up again and Pedigrees him again...ONTO THE THUMBTACKS. And there's your three count, HHH retains the WWF Championship. Jesus, Cactus has tacks stuck in his forehead. You can NOT ask more out of Foley or HHH than you saw here.

Rating: 9.5/10
 

Match 7: The 2000 Royal Rumble.  D'Lo Brown gets the "marathon" #1 spot and Brian Christopher is #2. Mosh is #3. Kaientai (who are not in the Rumble) try to get in the ring but are quickly tossed. Christian is #4. Whoa, he even comes out from the entranceway and not from the crowd n' stuff! Rikishi is #5, and everyone but Sexay goes flying out. Well, so much for D'Lo's marathon run. They stare each other down until #6 is announced...and it's Scotty 2 Hotty. They do the Too Cool Dance--which the crowd loves but is really DUMB in the grand scheme of things, considering it's IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH and all. Not to mention that the lighting guys knew to have the mix all cued up. So as soon as their done, Rikishi clotheslines both of them and dumps him out with a grin and a tip of the cap. Here comes Steve Blackman as #7...and there goes Blackman over the top rope. Looks like Rikishi is getting the Diesel push. Viscera is #8, so it's the Fat Guy Invitational Challenge. Viscera is eliminated after three superkicks and a push. The Big Bossman is #9, who plays a good cowardly heel and refuses to get in the ring. #10 is Test, the British Bulldog is #11, and Gangrel is #12. Well, this just slowed down a whole bunch. Oh, here's Kaientai again for shits and giggles. TAKA hits his head on the floor after flying out of the ring, and it's looking now like it was a legit injury. #13 is Edge, who miraculously also takes advantage of the entrance path and not the crowd. No one's been eliminated in a while. HOLY CRAP! BOB BACKLUND IS #14! Sue me, but I laughed my ass off. He still looks to be in decent shape, too. Awww, everyone gangs up on Rikishi and dumps him. Crowd isn't happy about that one, WWF take note. Chris Jericho is #15 (doing double duty tonight) and he gets rid of Backlund. Crash Holly is #16, and Chyna is #17. Weren't they all not supposed to be in the Rumble? Whatever. She dumps Jericho, and promptly gets elbowed out herself by Bossman. Faarooq is #18, and here comes the Mean Street Posse (also not in the Rumble) to try to eliminate him. They don't, but he's distracted long enough for Bossman to take care of him. Road Dogg is #19, and he adopts the strategy of clinging to the bottom rope with his hands and feet in a Human Death Lock position. It's a good strategy, but it's bad television. Al Snow is #20. Val Venis is #21. Funaki runs in (since TAKA is injured) and promptly gets booted out again. Prince Albert is #22 and heads straight for Bossman. Hardcore Holly is #23, and The Rock is #24. He tosses Bossman within, oh, three seconds. I was half-expecting him to just poke people in the arm and have them go flying over the top rope and get eliminated. Billy Gunn is #25, Big Show is #26, Bradshaw is #27. I'm glad I'm taking notes, because no one's saying or showing what numbers these guys are. The MSP hit the ring again and get Bradshaw eliminated. Kane is #28 and is the only one to get any pyrotechnics. The Godfather is #29, and I've totally lost count of who's been eliminating who by now. Funaki comes in again and gets tossed out again. X-Pac is #30 to finish it off. The last four end up being X-Pac, Kane, Big Show, and The Rock. I predict X-Pac! Ha. Rock tosses X-Pac out but no one sees it and he sneaks back in. X-Pac eliminates Kane with a spin kick, and Big Show says "Enough of you, silly Waltman" and launches him out again. So it's Rocky vs. Big Show, predictably. Rock gets a spinebuster and The People's Elbow, but Wight counters as Rocky picks him up to dump him and nails a chokeslam. He picks up Rocky and tries to dump him out, but Rocky holds onto the top rope and narrowly avoids hitting the floor as Big Show goes crashing out. Rocky's going to Wrestlemania 2000!

Rating: 7.25/10  Really good Rumble, almost no really slow spots. Plus, Big Fat People didn't elminate everyone this year.
 

The controversy over who hit the floor first would lead to both The Rock and Big Show taking part in the main event of Wrestlemania 2000 (along with HHH and Mick Foley).  The Foley/HHH match here would lead to a rematch the next month at No Way Out--a Hell in a Cell match, with Foley's career on the line vs. HHH's WWF Championship.  Foley would lose and retire, only to be brought back by Linda McMahon for one last match at Wrestlemania.

But anyway, this show rocked and is highly recommended.

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