What I think of every single time I hear some rabid psycho scream "Free Mumia". Especially Rage Against the Machine. It has been established without a doubt that Mumia Abu-Jamal is guilty like OJ, unfortunately, Johnny Cochran wasn't there to bail him out, so he is now on death row. As deserved, I might add. If anything ridiculed America the most on the world scene in this decade, it was probably the OJ Trial. Or maybe Clinton and his Oval Office dalliances.

Out of interest, I have to wonder. If it was some white boy instead of our Black Panther and Nation of Islam extremist buddy Mumia here, and he killed a black cop instead of a white cop, would RATM still rock for him? Would the People's Republic of California protest the "racist death penalty"? I highly doubt it. Who is racist now? Jesus, just inject the murderous dog and be done with it!

And then there's the anarchist faction, who thinks cops deserved to be killed and Mumia is some kind of "hero". Well, if that's the way they think, I'm going to gun down some anarchists next time I get the chance. See if they complain. Look at me, I'm yellow, I can't be racist!

Kill Mumia. And OJ too.

Luckily, we evil anarchists have already resurrected Daniel Faulkner! See, here he is now! Ya wanna say anything to the nice Everythingians, Dan?

Daniel Faulkner: "Brains!"

That's nice, Daniel. We've got ol' Dan hard at work, stalking, eating the brains of, and zombifying other cops--oh, and Canadian-Australian-Chinese trolls, too, so DMan won't feel left out. We've also got Mr. Faulkner doing a little cooking and light housework, 'cause really, he's not very good at stalking cops. He keeps tripping over his own intestines and dribbling little pieces of--Daniel, please get your ear out of the soup, okay?

Daniel Faulkner: "Brains!"

Never mind. I've lost most of my appetite. Anyway, some of you other ambitious young anarchists may be wondering how to raise a zombie army of your own. Well, here's the basic formula: Get yourself a dead Tool of the Man, lay it out inside a pentagram, sprinkle the body with Eye of Newt, Bat's Blood, and Lik-M-Aid, and recite the mystical phrase "Git up, boah! There's vittles on the stove!" The dead, being naturally hungry and vulnerable to the exhortations of Southerners, quickly jump up and start looking for delicious brains to feast on. Right, Daniel?

Daniel Faulkner: "Brains!"

And as it turns out, we've had great success with other Tools of the Man, as well. Ready for dinner, Mark?

Mark Fuhrman: "Brains!"