Uh, red what? Description and history

Red Warszawa, who didn't know that the capital of Poland is called "Warsaw" and not "Warszawa" in English, is a satirical Danish heavy metal band. All the band's lyrics are either in Danish, in German with a heavy Danish accent, or English with a heavy Danish accent. Lead singer "Lækre-Jens" ("Gorgeous Jens", who can't reasonably be described as gorgeous in any sense of the word) is absolutely and completely tone deaf, even according to himself and his band mates. While he matches the rhythm of RW's music well, his singing is anything but melodious. The two other members are "Heavy-Henning" on guitar, and "Tonser-Henrik" (I'm not really aware if there is an English equivalent of "Tonser", something along the lines of "big, fat and stupid" would pretty much cover it) on the bass. They've regularly changed drummers, although the current one "Måtten Møbelbanker" ("The Mat, Beater of Furniture" -- "Måtten" is a play on his first name Morten and the fact that he usually performs bare-chested and is notoriously covered in hair) has been with them for several years.

Most of their studio recordings are recorded at Soundzone Studio, although each album contains a few songs recorded in Heavy-Henning's bathroom. The band is known for the fact that they almost always perform while drunk (although they exaggerate their intoxication levels on-stage, they're capable of speaking coherently after the show), Jens usually performs wearing some bizarre form of "body armour" fashioned from cardboard and duct tape, and they're infamous for their, um, explicit lyrics. Like Cannibal Corpse and Anal Cunt, they are a slightly less morbid example of the "Somebody wrote a song named WHAT?!" phenomenon, having written songs named such things as "Atomkrig og Dåseøl" (Nuclear War and Canned Beer), "Jeg Ved Godt Jeg Ikke Skal Sove Med En Hånd Oppe I Røven" (I Realize I Shouldn't Sleep With A Hand Up My Ass), "Hurra Skolen Brænder" (Hooray, the School is Burning) and similar. They're very popular with metalheads (not surprising) and geeks (perhaps a little more surprising).

So what's with that strange name?

The band doesn't know how to pronounce their name. When they named themselves, they wanted to be called "Red Warsaw", but they didn't know that the capital city of Poland was named Warsaw in English. "Red Warszawa" can either be read and pronounced in English (in which it means "Red (misspelled Polish capital") or in Danish (in which case it can mean either "Save Warsaw" or "Coam Warsaw's Hair"). Each band member has his own favourite pronounciation, adding to the confusion.

The band has its very own fan club, named "Club 664, the Satan Cult for the Slightly Stupid". Rumour has it that it even has members, but those are unconfirmed.

Members:

  • "Lækre-Jens" ("Singing")
  • "Heavy-Henning" (lead and rhythm guitar)
  • "Tonser Henrik" (bass)
  • "Måtten Møbelbanker" (drums)

Discography:

  • 1996: Heavy Metal og Hass ("Heavy Metal and Hashish", deliberately misspelled)
  • 1997: Julemandens Selvmordsbrev ("Santa's Suicide Note")
  • 1998: Skal Vi Lege Doktor? ("Wanna Play Doctor?")
  • 2000: Tysk Hudindustri ("German Skin Industry")
  • 2001: Live Aus Kaiser Bierwurst Halle ("Live from the halls of Emperor Beer Sausage")
  • 2002: Omvendt Blå Kors ("Reverse Blue Cross")

Translated examples of Red Warszawa's lyrical genius

(the untranslated versions actually rhyme):

I Hate All People (from "Heavy Metal og Hass")

I hate all people who live here on Earth
Those I hate most are my father and my mother
They put me in a world with war, violence and murder
I hate all people who live here on Earth

I hate all people
I hate all people
I hate all people
I hate all people

I hate all white people, I hate all black people
I hate those who live, and I hate those who did so
I hate people with pimples, and those with dandruff too
But most of all, I hate myself.

North of Nordkap (from "Skal Vi Lege Doktor")

South of South Africa, and damn, that's far south
There is a native tribe, their reputation is horrible
They stuff themselves with penguins, and occasionally an eagle
But the wildest thing ever, is they EAT THEIR CHILDREN!

Chorus: Kids for breakfast, that is healthy
It is crunchy, and quite painful too
Kids for breakfast, like pigs at the trough
A whole new form of ecological farming!

North from Nordkap, there are lots of Samurai
I think they are Eskimos, but they're wilder than usual
You'd think they eat seals, and polar bear for dessert
But they eat their kids, understanding it is hard

You can download MP3s and look at ugly pictures at the band's poorly designed web site, at http://www.rw.dk

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