A person with a reputation for not being able to hold his/her alcohol. Terribly unreliable at parties, as they generally do not know how to pace themselves. If you act as host, make sure to keep an eye on pukers, and if several pukers (or potential pukers) are expected to show up, it may be a wise idea to invest in some kind of floor protection, or at least to roll up your favourite rugs. There are two kinds of pukers identified as of now, the aggressive puker, and the passive puker.

Aside from the vomiting, the aggressive puker frequently suffers other effects from the consumption of fermented beverages. These include, but are not limited to:

  • Emotional outbursts: if the person is drinking to cover up a loss, or a strong feeling, you are in trouble. Not only will they throw up in the most inconvenient locations, (behind radiators and large appliances, in the sink full of ice and beer, etc.) but they will apologize profusely, scream obscenities at your neighbours, stomp around, hurt people and/or inanimate objects, or attempt to hug various partygoers (occasionally, all at the same time).
  • Breaking delicate, valuable, or treasured objects: As noted in the previous point, these pukers have the tendency to fly into rages and attack objects or people with intent to damage said victim. It would be wise to hide valuable electronics, needed equipment, and plate glass windows (I mean it, really, keep these people away from windows. A large plate of easily breakable material will draw pukers like a moth to a flame)
  • Otherwise embarrassing themselves, and those around them: pukers of this type are frequently struggling with their lives as it is. After having made a fool of him or herself at a party, he/she is likely to become even more isolated. While it is most certainly worth seeing these pukers in action for the sheer entertainment (especially when you are not the host) it is beneficial to all involved that they are kept under control.
The second documented type is the passive puker. Much more docile than the aggressive, this type of puker tends towards being introspective. Passives can be identified by two characteristics.

  • Silence: The passive will withdraw further and further from others with the more drink he or she imbibes, becoming lost in thoughts and memories. While infinitely easier to control than the aggressive puker, the passive is not the ideal person to drink with, as he or she has a tendency to drag down the spirits of the drunken revelers around them.
  • Acceptance: Because of the withdrawn state, a passive puker is likely to agree to any plans being made, simply out of lack of interest in the surrounding people and environment. A passive puker will always use the fewest possible words in response to a question.
The difficulty with passives is in not identifying them early enough, and indeed, it is difficult. Because passives do not behave drunkenly (as they prefer to sit in one location), their occupation as party puker may not be recognized until it is too late, and your favourite sofa sports a permanent foul stain.

If this message can save one person's well-loved woven materials, then this painstaking research will not have been in vain.

A puker is another Alaskan word for tourist. This is in reference to what the typical tourist does while on a charter fishing trip for the famed Alaskan king salmon or halibut. Once on a boat, they puke. Traditionaly, the best way to deal with this has been Dramamine, but recently homeopathic remedies such as chamomile have become very popular. When faced with cleaning the hull of whatever vessel I'm working on I always go for the herbal remedy. Dramamine makes people sicker if they are sick to begin with and drowsy either way. While chamomile tends to calm their tummies and allow the poor sots to enjoy their trip.

The Dramamine fisher goes up and goes down, his belly inside him goes round and around, he leans o'er the rail just to keep the boat clean, and its back once again for that damn Dramamine.

Thats from Dramamine Fisherman by Alaska's State Balladeer Hobo Jim.

Puk"er (?), n.

1.

One who pukes, vomits.

2.

That which causes vomiting.

Garth .

 

© Webster 1913.

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